Analyzing: Me

The Devil Inside

2012-01-29T09:59:00.000-08:00

This movie sucked. It sucked so much that people joked, though I think they were serious, about getting their money back. A conversation with my uncle a few hours before going to the theater, revealed that when he watched it, the same thing happened. People were demanding their money back.Why? Camera work, the script, lighting, and occasionally the acting all bought a ticket to This Shit Stinks. For a more detailed plot summary of the shitty movie, read Blondie/Bolingbroke's review on our other blog. I'm just going to write about the things that really bothered me.

Swearing priest - Fine, these were young American priests in Italy, but wow, it's still shocking to hear f-bombs come out from a priests mouth. "What the fuck are we gonna do?!" "Will you just shut the fuck up, we're in a seriously fucked up situation here!" (Okay, those aren't direct quotes, but there was that much fuck going around.)
Shitty roles - Everyone was lost. The movie was done in a "documentary" style, so it's supposed to be "raw" footage. Raw describes it well, sewage. Trash. Garbage. The people in charge were assholes, maybe the language barrier? I don't know, and it looked like they didn't either.
Shaky camera - Whoa Nelly, was I watching The Devil Inside or The Blair Witch Project? Again, another product of "documentary" style "filming." It's like this throughout the movie, so if you couldn't stand it in the Blair Witch, just don't watch it. La nausea, la vomito. (You get's the King of the Hill reference?)
Insta-cured! - The actual exorcisms took all of 10 minutes with minor resistance. I shit you not, it sucked. Except for the peeps performance. I'm talking about the priests.

The only saving grace in this shitty movie were the only two possessed people. And extra kudos to the contortionist. You'll love that part, the movie would not have been so terrible, okay yes it would, but it would have left you with a nice feeling, because you just dropped money for dinner but ended up watching a crapsy movie instead, if the exorcisms were longer. And Another thumbs up to Suzan Crowley, her portrayal of bitchy possessed person was totally convincing. I hates you, ya bitch! See, she was good!

Black hole, no sun

2012-01-25T19:50:00.000-08:00

(This happened on Monday, I think.)

Blondie: So I woke u today @ 6:13, my stomach felt as if a small ball of lead filled with seething acid somehow came into my body and needed to be released! So I went to poop and I felt loads better but surprise I wasn't done. Because I go back to bed and W minutes later I could feel it roving around. So I got up again. I think it's the medication working.

Bobby: Woooow! What the heck kind of medication is it? Ex-Lax??

Blondie: A colon cleanse and Mucinex. The colon cleanse is supposed to make me poop, the Mucinex is to stop the coughing and thins out the mucus to get it out of the bronchial tubes.. I blame the Mucinex cuz the product is runny... And I've been on the colon cleanse and usually the product is sooo not runny!

Bobby: But it's a colon cleanse!

Blondie: Yeah, which I've been on for a little less than a week! Dude, it's the Mucinex, trusts. On the other hand the sunrise is so pretty ain't it? Even when I did wake up this early I never noticed it. Ooo and the colon cleanse also adjusts your inner clock so it seems I might be converted to morning personism.

Bobby: I don't have a sunrise view window... =[

Blondie: Nooo!! We get's you a window!

Bobby: ...ok so I was singing in my head, do you do that? "Window" to the tune of "Freedom", and window got turned into wind-om and then weed-om.

Blondie: Lol of sourse, you know I do. And weed on? Look at you pothead! My sister was wooing in the shower nd I thought it was the wind outside and I got scared.

Bobby: Weed-om! Lmfao I'm not the Human Torch, or rather the Weed Torch... Omg omg... This convo is getting willy fast. -_- Who woo's in the shower?!

Blondie: Hey hey it happens. Ehactly she's a psycho, although poor thing, I decided to poop just as she got in, talk about shower destroyer.

Bobby: Hahahahahah you're the abominable stenchgirl!

Blondie: Lmao talk to the ass cus it's responsible *sings* Call Me Irresponsible :)

Bobby: Oh you's dirty, and okay the colon cleanse & Mucinex. You're excused.

Man In The Dark by Paul Auster

2012-01-22T16:34:00.001-08:00

August Brill, the main character, is recovering from a car accident in his daughter's home, Miriam. His granddaughter, Katya, is also staying there. Not only are the three characters linked through blood, but also pain through loss. August lost his wife to cancer, Miriam's husband left her for another woman, and Katya blames herself for the murder/execution of her ex-boyfriend. Depression city.

Katya, a film student, rents DVD's and watches them with August. They then analyze them, and I give much credit to Paul Auster here for making that scene in the book jump out. I want to watch what they watched, exactly how Katya describes it. Miriam consults her already published father on a piece she has been working on. Who does August turn to? Himself.

An insomniac, August keeps himself company each night by telling himself stories. One and the only one we are told in detail, is about an alternate world where September 11th never happened, but instead there is a civil war in America. We find out through Augusts fictional characters that he has been contemplating suicide. We are pulled out of it when his murderer/redeemer is killed. Katya comes into his room one night to talk and find out more about her grandmother. There we find out how and when August fell in love with Sonia, Miriam's mother, Katya's grandmother, Augusts wife. Circle! And this part, the Sonia era of the book is the saving grace. Almost. Katya falls asleep, birds begin to chirp as dawn approaches and Miriam enters the room. Breakfast time, Dad. Some we'll-get-through-this, life-goes-on speech and then the end.

There were some very heartfelt scenes, such as the Sonia parts, but I resented Augusts story for taking up so many pages from a very short 180, story. I would have preferred to have gotten to know Miriam more. Yes there was a "poetic" tie from Augusts real and fictional world, but I couldn't care less because it bored me. It just wasn't powerful enough to be relevant while reading it. I hate to make the comment, because this is the only work by Mr. Auster that I've read, but any reference to 9/11 is bound to be picked up by someone aka semi-instant hit. Again, yes, it was a crucial part to the story, and here's more spoilers, because Katya's ex-boyfriend, Titus is killed in Iraq. Not as a soldier, but a truck driver who was at the wrong place at the wrong time. And still, it's a detail that could have been replaced by something else. This family is the epitome of fail. Everything is collapsing around then it seems. There are also recollections out of nowhere to the Jewish Holocaust that felt absentmindedly thrown in. It just didn't make sense, it seems as if it was just a collection of stories that were started & just but in one very short book. Totes didn't like the book.

For you can put on brains

2012-01-22T13:30:00.001-08:00

I, Barbara, Bobby, Bob, TheLeBobby, Salinger, am guilty of jumping into Facebook conversations. Spying, actually. Well okay, it's not spying since they're public convos, picture comments, and they're there, they are there to be looked at. But I sometimes actively go out in search of funny chats and I found one.

Subject: Picture of a relative at a restaurant booth and a plate of food in front of him.

..now for one of the comments.

"Dammm fool u skinny as fuck I'm going to show u how to eat fool for u can get way more weight I weight 301 lbs fool lmaoooo"

And that's exactly how it was put down. Da fuuuck?!

How precious, just utterly too-too!

2012-01-21T15:01:00.001-08:00

Bobby: So my uncle V stopped by to pick up a letter of his and he's really quirky, and one of his things (lately) is instead of shaking hands, he taps feet for greetings.

Blondie: What? No way!

Bobby: Yes! He's just... He's different.

Blondie: Taps feet..how do you respong to that and were there a lot of Happy Feet jokes?

Bobby: Lol! No Happy Feet jokes, he's serious about being different and doing things differently. You just tap feet back... Omg I swear I'm not making this up.

Blondie: Read it and tell me you don't sound like you're lying! I mean I don't doubt you, but that's just ridiculous! How can you want to be different, it's supposed to be spontaneous.

Bobby: Mmkay, yeah it sounds like a load of bull, but my family and I just laugh about it. You so have to be there to believe it.

Blondie: Lol I believe it but I just don't know how to tap back.

Bobby: ....lmfao! You just tap, like pretend you're tapping someone asleep to make sure theyre not dead, a double toe tap.

Blondie: Ahh I see, so it's not the end of a song or something, interesting.

Bobby: Lmfao! Like the end of every Mexican song? Tan taann!

Blondie: Ooo that's rich!

Bobby: Oh nose, are we going to start using words like "delicious" "precious" "darling" and "tooo much" to describe things now? I'm so down.

Blondie: Lmao, sorry yaar, it sliped!

Bobby: XD babes!

Blondie: And you forgot decadent!

p.s. points to whoever, if any, got the Nellie Oleson reference in the post's title . From Laura Ingalls Wilder's Little House books, These Happy Golden Years, Ch. 20 - Nellie Oleson.

Have you heard?

2012-01-20T21:02:00.001-08:00

Blondie: Dude, I'm falling asleep, fucking hell! (It was barely 730PM or so) Okay, I'm watching E! News so I won't fall asleep and dude, Johnny Depp is about to be single.

Bobby: =o What?! You serious?! Omfg Johnny Depp in the singles market again motherfucking swoon babes!

Blondie: Lmao, yeah Paradis is not Paradise! Ejactly yaar, oo noo, Etta James is dead!

Bobby: Forgets Etta James, Johnny heart-fucking-throb Depp is gonna be single again!

Blondie: So I hear! Are you going to sing "My dil (heart) goes hm hmmm hmm"! Lmao.

Bobby: Oh you know I am yaar! Fucking babes!

Blondie: Dude, how long has he not been single?

Bobby: What is it? Two, three kids long ago?

Blondie: Lmao, yes something like that yaar, you crack me up!

Bobby: Ejactly! XD

Blondie: Omf too fun, too fun!

p.s. YouTube, everyone is going to NOT want to watch Abduction. If that was your goal, you shall prevail!

She's gone completely loco

2012-01-18T10:08:00.001-08:00

Blondie texted me last night, she was changing her blog layout. Again. She's a crazy right now. But that reminds me that I have to start making a new banner for my own blog. Or should I leave it for a while longer?

Death by bed?

2012-01-16T15:24:00.001-08:00

Bobby: So you were setting up your bed earlier?

S: No. Chris is making himself a Murphy bed. He asked me to help.

Bobby: ...that can fail so badly.

S: We already discussed my laughing at him when it fails.

Bobby: It's more than laughs, Chris can get impaled. Well, I guess it is kinda funny, till it happens.

S: I didn't see anything in the plans that would be able to do that.

Bobby: Are you kidding me? The two of you in an enclosed space, with your luck? It's bound to happen somehow.

S: Haha. I think the worst thing that will hapen is the bed falling or slamming against the wall while he's on it.

New nose obsession

2012-01-15T14:07:00.000-08:00

A while ago I had posted my confession of self-proclaimed love of Toni Peiju's nose, well, that romance is officially over because it has been replaced with...

Kjetil-Vidar Haraldstad "Frost" of Satyricon & 1349.

If I was a man, I'd go gay for that nose.

Insidious

2012-01-12T10:56:00.000-08:00

Director: James Wan
Writer: Leigh Whannell

Released: September 14, 2010 (TIFF - Toronto International Film Festival)
April 1, 2011 (United States)

1 hour 42 minutes, English

Renai Lambert: Rose Byrne
Josh Lambert: Patrick Wilson
Dalton Lambert: Ty Simpkins
Foster Lambert: Andrew Astor
Cali Lambert:
Lorraine Lambert: Barbara Hershey
Elise Reiner: Lin Shaye

I saw Insidious with Blondie yesterday, I wanted to watch it when it came out in theaters, but I’m cheap and will wait for movies to come out on TV. Wow! Worth the wait and I do regret not watching it in a pitch black room with ultra mega loud surround sound. I honestly think Horror movies have been getting overworked. Yes, it’s nice to see dismembered bodies and gushing blood, but, let’s not forget that beautiful and iconic scene from Halloween where Jamie Lee Curtis is facing the camera, shadows behind her, and then suddenly Michael Myers’ mask slowly appears. Genius, it still takes my breath away. This movie, goes back to that.

Simple, with the right lighting, and best of all, no DMX songs to accompany any (there weren’t) chase scenes. There was a Tiny Tim song though. I actually screamed, girl screamed, twice or thrice. This is the first Horror movie to do so since I saw Chuckie back in my youth. Murderous dolls are freaky, mmkay? Taking this from Wikipedia - “ ‘Steve O’Brien from WCBS-FM says “Most Terrifying Film since The Exorcist.” Normally I would agree, but having recently gotten over my “never-watching-The Exorcist-alone” thing, I realized, it’s small potatoes in the scare category. Acting, camera work, it’s all there, but it just doesn’t scare me anymore, in fact it‘s quite revolting, which is why I watch it when I cook. ;]

Back to Insidious. This movie is about the Lambert family who have recently moved into a new home. There’s Renai and Josh, mother and father to Dalton, Foster and Cali. A quick summary: while exploring the attic, Dalton Lambert climbs a ladder, is frightened by something he see’s in the shadows and falls down, he then screams bloody murder. Renai and Josh run to him, console him and then see him to bed. In the morning Josh tries to wake him up but Dalton is unresponsive. He has entered a comatose state that doctors can’t explain the reason for. Three months later Dalton is moved back into the house and then things start to really get weird. A priest, ghost hunters and psychic are brought in. Ghosts, demons, evil. Will it all go away, will the Lambert family be safe? Watch the movie and find out.

Things I didn’t like: I do and don’t like the lighting in this movie. It’s very dark and that adds to the tension, but during high action scenes where all you can see is a bit of shirt moving to and fro…it leaves a lot to the imagination. Is that what the director wanted? One review said the second half of the movie wouldn’t be able to live up to the first, not true for me. It was the third part of the movie, actually, more like the last quarter. The ending was good, but it could have been better. You get a slap when it could have just gone and knocked you out. There was a bit of reality stretching, but I didn’t mind it. And I believe that’s all that irked me. This really was a great movie.

This I could use

2012-01-12T08:24:00.000-08:00

I have a laptop. Sometimes, at nigt, I like to lay down wrapped up in my blankets and position my laptop at just the right angle and watch a movie. But there's always volume control, pausing, skipping scenes and junk that make me take out my hand from blanket warm-ness and use the track pad. Brrr.

Well it turns out that now we may be able to control computers with our eyes. I can see it now, I'll just give my laptop the stink eye and swish on through instead of having cold hands.

Ohh yeah..

The Hobbit by J. R. R. Tolkien

2012-01-09T20:29:00.000-08:00

I have a confession to make. Come closer, a little bit closer, :cups hands over mouth: I watched the LOTR movie trilogy before picking up any of the books. Okay, another confession, I just finished reading The Hobbit. Like two days ago. =x

That having been said, I loved it. Tolkien was a genius, a true master of his craft, he honestly had a way with words. The Hobbit was more than a book, it was pure poetry from start to, to be continued.Because we all know that's not where the story ends. Bolingbroke and I, are now very anxious for the movie to come out. At the end of the year! Grr.

Sorry, sorry, I'm getting sidetracked. This first book is Bilbo Baggins' story, and if you've already seen previews, you know about all the dwarves that come to visit him. And Gandalf. This is their story. And unfortunately I can't, won't say any more. It was a very easy read, you'll have to trust me, it is good, very good.

You know you're really sick when...

2012-01-09T07:59:00.000-08:00

You get a random runny nose, the kind you dont even feel coming.

Are you linking me?

2012-01-08T19:54:00.000-08:00

I do a Google search on "thelebobby" every once in a while and it's always interesting to see my blog being linked. Not to well-known, popular sites, I flame so many things that that's probably a good thing. I saw one website with a few of my posts: brokencontrollers.com. With an rss button, is that a hint to me? Well, since I'm still not sure how to add an actual orange rss button on my blog, you're going to have to go to the bottom of my blog and click on "Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)" and add the URL that the link takes you to, onto your rss reader. Google Reader etc. Feel free to tell me if and when you do link my shizz. Question: chat box, yes, no?

Btw, Netherlands, Internet Explorer? Upgrade to a safer browser, unless you have a kick ass anti-virus program.

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson

2012-01-06T21:57:00.001-08:00

Originally published as "Men Who Hate Women (Man som hatar kvinnor)." And rightly so, the bastards. This title is definitely more appropriate than GWTDT, and you will find out why once you read it. Once again, the first "scene" of the book is all Mikael Blomkvist, but the trilogy is all Lisbeth. And it really is more appealing than Men Who Hate Women, which is also why I think they changed it.

To summarize the book: Henrik Vanger receives yet another pressed and framed flower on the day of his presumably dead niece, Harriet Vanger. He has gotten one for the past 40 years since she disappeared at the age of 16. Meanwhile, Mikael "Kalle" Blomkvist is charged with libel and 90 days in prison, gaol. Little does he know, his background & underwear size is being looked into by Lisbeth Salander, an antisocial, withdrawn young woman who is cunning in her methods to acquire information. Who hires Lisbeth? Henrik, of course. Mikael must travel to Hedestad, from his Stockholm, to have one final investigation into Harriet's disappearance. Lisbeth finds herself aiding Mikael, but is she helpful or will she become a burden to Blomkvist, once she opens up and befriends him, in her own way?

This first book is absolutely crucial to go on to the next two books. You get to know each and every character, their quirks and just where they stand. You also get to travel to Stockholm, Sweden through Larsson's eyes and sense of humor. Coffee and pizza, anyone? I also have to say that this is not my favorite book out of the three. While I do love lenghtly descriptions of surroundings, sometimes it can drown you with too much information. Which goes to say that Stieg Larsson was a very good journalist with a knack at describing things. But there is far too much Blomkvist and not enough Salander and that is what broke the camel's back for me.

Overall: a very good read, keep going past the mind-numbing boredom that is Blomkvist, for Salander waits, yes she's waiting!, beyond the yuppy do-gooder douchebag. And believe me when I say she's worth the chase. ;]

I was a badass motherfucker with a sword

2012-01-06T19:55:00.001-08:00

I was a warrior, I totally tore people up & I had a babe waiting for me back home. Like prime grade A, son! And before I left to kill she told me, "I only married you 'cos I knew you wouldn't stray from me, motherfucker. So don't get distracted by any tail you meet in your journey." Why, I started to ask. "Fucker, just don't. That's all I'm saying on the subject!"

I maimed, slayed & I loved every minute of it. It was all in da name of gawd! And then I saw her. Whoa nelly, she was fine! I had to have her, Bea would never find out...

....some time later.

I arrived home and saw my girl Bea, half-naked, a sworn through her, some vital part. It totally killed her though. Because it was vital. And then Ghost Bea spoke to me and said, "You idiot! I dead 'cos of you! You fooled around and now I'm dead. Asshole!" How did she find out? Who ratted me out? -_- "No ya idiot, I made a pact with some demon, maybe the devil, that you would stay faithful and if you weren't, he could have my soul. And now he has it, I have to go as soon as you realize what I've just said.." ...Oh, ohh! "Yeah, okay, here's my ride."

..and Bea is taken away by some evil looking dude.

"I will avenge youuuu! Maybe bring you back, I don't know, I never finished the gaaaaammme." -But luckily, S did and I know how it ends now. =D Yaaay!

So Dante goes to Hell and fights demons, punishes and absolves people. Bea sends Virgil to guide him and hey guess what? He glows blue, like a baby blue almost white.

Dante's Inferno for XBox. It's damn depressing, and I couldn't do the "challenge" parts on easy mode. I suck at video games. Play it and be sad, oh so sad.

Treason!

2012-01-06T09:45:00.001-08:00

Someone ate my Frosted Mini-Wheats Touch of Fruit in the Middle!! That wonderfully delicious Mixed Berry taste! Why, whyyyy?! The inhumanity! Cereal swiper, you disgust me! ='[

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (US Remake)

2012-01-03T16:12:00.001-08:00

From the beginning: a music video of liquid people singing a song, think the T1000, but this time it's some kind of black goo instead of melted metal. Why? What's the point? It was completely unrelated to the movie. Yes, its done often during opening credits, but this was just weird. Then we get Daniel Craig as Mikael Blomkvist, I read he actually gained weight for this role. Umm, seriously? He's naked in a few scenes and I would love to gain weight and not show, at all, just like him.

Rooney Mara as Lisbeth Salander. I praise her for also getting into her role physically, like Noomi Rapace. Her eyebrows were bleached and she does not sport a faux-hawk, thank goodness! Bolingbroke had beef with her diaper/MC Hammer pants, but I like them. As long as no one else makes them a fad.

Christopher Plummer as Henrik Vanger sucked. Totally unconvincing. His scenes felt like an overly dramatized acting class. "I acting sad now." "I am surprised." I barf.

And then there's the accents. The remake still takes lace in Sweden, and newspapers, news headlines on tv, store names is all in Sweden, except the language spoken. Except for "hej" or hi. All the actors have a fake European/Scandinavian accent, read Russian, Swedish, German and all of the above. Only Daniel Craig keeps his English accent. I felt that subtitles were needed, at times I thought they were speaking in Swedish because it was just so difficult to understand them through the fake, cheesy accents! Wtf?! It ruins the movie.

Then there is Erika Berger, or, Mikael Blomkvist's editor in Millenium/ married woman he fucks. Her name is never mentioned. Fine, okay. But then, the movie begins and you're already in the dark, Blomkvist is going to jail, and then later, much later he tells us why and how it happened.

Basically, the plot for the remake is Cliffs Notes, 3 HOURS worth!

I have major beef because, yes Blomkvist is the major character in this first movie in the series, but Lisbeth slowly takes over, not so in the remake. Lisbeth is dumbed down and just appears to be a sneaky girl with emotional issues. Blomkvist, no wait, Daniel Craig is the hotshot actor here, give him more scenes, make him smarter, make him "vulnerable" for the ladies to go "Ohhh no!" Puke! If you're going to make Mikael Fucking Blomkvist so smart, why have Lisbeth in the movie at all? Oh wait, because she IS the main character. You'll see. ;]

Lisbeth is weaker, too emotional. She is not made up to be the brilliant hacker that we, the Swedish movie fans, know her to be. She kicks ass and is a feminist character!

Why aren't I breaking down the other characters? There aren't any. Daniel Craig stomped them out.

I didn't absolutely hate it, but it does suck a big one. I'm waiting & hoping that the other 2 movies redeem this one.

Edit 01/06/12 - I was looking through keyword searches and saw this one, "why didn't blomqvist got to jail in american remake
2." Damn good question. My answer: a lot of things were cut out in the remake, it was very speedy I still don't know how it ended up being 3 hours. As you may, or may not know, in the original movie & book, Blomkvist is sentenced to 90 days in jail and a 1.2M kronor charge In the US version it's a 6M kronor charge, and I am very sorry, but I cannot remember if there was a mention of serving time. Other unnecessary things were put into focus and some small but key details were cut out. =/ That's all I can offer in explanation to that question. Maybe it's going to be shown in the 2nd movie?

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (Original Swedish Movie)

2012-01-03T14:22:00.001-08:00

Noomi Rapace was cast as Stieg Larsson's book character 'Lisbeth Salanger', and she became Lisbeth to a T. Computer saavy, antisocial, abused and incredibly intelligent. But, believe it or not, Lisbeth is not the main character in GWTDT, but Mikael Blomkvist, played by Michael Nyqvist.

First, I'd like to say that I did not enjoy this book. Mikael is a boring man who has exciting things happen to him, those things being Lisbeth and the Harriet Vanger case. But onto the movie, it was better than the book, loads! Even Blomkvist was likeable. Which is why I will not ruin the movie for you all. All I can say is, watch this movie before seeing the US remake. You will definitely see disappointing differences.

One being the respect and bond Blomkvist's co-workers have for each other.

Lisbeth's intelligence astounds you, and her friends are funnier.

Sven-Bertil Taube, Henrik Vanger, is believable.

And lastly Erika Berger has a fucking name!

Introducing

2012-01-02T13:23:00.000-08:00

Crimelord Bolingbroke (aka. Blondie) and Lady Badtooth Salinger! (Me, TheLeBobby)

Don't ask how we came up with those names because I wouldn't be able to tell you. Oh wait, yes, we needed "mobster" names and them's be it. And you know what that means? That one new blog I told you about in the previous post is up, so go << here >> and enjoy our blank page.We'll post things eventually, no worries. Quit bitching I say! I'm still going to review shit on my own blog, but I'll post them on that blog as well, it's strictly reviewage going on over there. Plus, you'll be able to catch Bolingbroke's p.o.v. on things I might not have enjoyed.

Oops..

2011-12-31T04:04:00.001-08:00

It's that time again, the time when I go missing from my blog. I completely run out of things to write about and no one loves me enough to give me any suggestions. What's going on Russia, where you at?! So, I'm forced to go into hiding until something incredibly fruity hapens to me and I keep writing about it, in one way or another, for a whole month.

Well, tonight something happened. Kind of. Tonight something almost happened, better yet, tonight there was the possibility of something happening. There. Okay, first, I watched the remake of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, which wasn't as great as the original Swedish version imo. And that's all going to be in a post at a more decent hour. Which bring me to this: I'm going to be starting up a new blog with Blondie, we're totes going to review shit for fun and be like, "Damn, that shit was the shit!" or "Yo, that shit was whack!" I'm still making the banner for it, and deciding if I'm going to make a neato background to go along with it. More to follow.

Right now, I'm enjoying a nice read on this here new LA Weekly in bed with my stuffed bear, Mr. Bear. Night ya'll.

Christmas Eve

2011-12-24T18:41:00.001-08:00

Set: Grandmother's house.
Cast: Kids, Aunt & Uncles, siblings and myself.
Scene: Me, being terribly bored.

Can't eat anything but rice, didn't want to cook. Don't feel like being around the kids a plenty. Headache. Aunt is bragging about her boyfriend again, shhh, he's not all that. And we're not interested! And I don't want to leave my house, where I'm pretty much already just a maid to come over here and be the siblings personal nanny.

Kids suck. Loud sucks.

Merry Fucking Christmas, yo.

Teens..

2011-12-20T17:46:00.001-08:00

Tina: Barb, I might knock out cuz today was a long day for me.

Bob: Oh my god Tina be quiet, you weren't fighting world hunger.

Wise Words

2011-12-14T07:29:00.001-08:00

Catherine: So, Bobby are you going to come?

Me: Come, to what?

Catherine: Friday.

Me: What's on Friday?

Catherine: Our thing.

Adriana: The winter program.

Me: Oh, I don't know.

Catherine: What? You never come to ours, but you go to Igo's.

Me: I didn't go to Igo's.

Catherine: Yes you did, you never go to ours.

Me: I always go to yours, I've always been there.

Adriana: Yeah Cathy, she always goes.

Catherine: Noo, and you did go to Igo's.

Me: No I didn't, they time his all weird.

Igo: Buy a clock.

Me: (trying not to laugh) A clock?

Igo: Yeah, it goes on the wall. It has numbers.

Blondie's 21st Birthday "Dinner"

2011-12-07T08:49:00.000-08:00

Blondie turned 21 last Monday, I went over that night to eat pupusas and to give her her specially wrapped present. If I ever get to a computer I'll post the pictures I took of it. It was very cute. Her family decided to throw her a small dinner on the 26th, I was unable to go, but that was fine because we had already planned to go out the coming Saturday, the 3rd. Just a simple dinner and a movie, or so I we thought.

I pick up Blondie, and as she gets in the car she makes a "you're not going to like his" face. Then...
Blondie: Sooo Wifey and Ed bought a bottle of alcohol. Gin. (and she shows me the picture)

Me: ....why gin?

Blondie: She said she's never tried this one before.

Okay, we'll do a bit of drinking after dinner, or before.. Something. Right? Well first let's describe that night. It was cold as fuck, it's been cold as fuck, but that one night in particular was colder than a witch's teat. Yes, weather conditions are relevant to the story, just keep reading. So we get there, climb the stairs to the apartment, knock and Wifey opens the door and gives us both bear hugs. We go inside and it's quiet, a little too quiet.

Blondie & I: Hi Ed!
(hugs)
Blondie: So where are your parents?

Wifey: They're out shopping.

Me: At 7:30 at night?!

Blondie: Ohh they're out in a "shopping date" that's so cute.

Wifey: Soo (bottle of gin magically appears) We bought this!

Ed: And we have Coke and coconut juice. (Cola and coconut juice with real bits of coconut also magically appear.)

When all the drinks were brought out Blondie and I shared a "this is not good" look, again.

Me: Wow, you guys are really prepared..

Wifey: Yup. Shots! Oh I know let's play "I have never!"

(goes to kitchen to get glasses)

Wifey: Okay, so we don't really have shot glasses so these will have to do. (holds up those nice... I'll put a picture)

That last one, which is fine because we did put ice, but it was not okay because they were meant to be shots. And let me tell you, after a few of those some of us were getting more.

Once again please note the difference between the glass sizes. First row, last picture: shot glass. Last row, first picture: what we got.

An hour later the bottle was almost empty, if you scroll back up and look at the bottle picture, I'd guess it was around the bottom white label. And of course their parents decide to show up then. Blondie was so smashed she was just asleep, we were listening to Queen and Wifey broke down, Ed and I were all alone to handle the madness. Except I couldnt get up for fear of falling right back on my ass. So it was all up to Ed. And he handled it brilliantly! Their parents brought back tacos and fries for me. Ed brought everything out to the living room where we revived Blondie, Wifey pulled herself together and we all ate. Then we each took turns for the bathroom. Blondie & Wifey to throw up, I had a pee and maybe Ed had a pee too, I dunno, he might have thrown up too, he was awfully sober.

Later on around 9 we go outside because Wifey feels awkward being drunk in front of the parentals. So there we go out into the North Pole. Two drunks, one buzzed and Ed. Blondie decides to sit down on the floor, and I still think that's how you got the bruise on your butt. We brave the cold for too long, we go back inside and sit down. Blondie falls back to sleep, Wifey goes into hiding with Ed and I'm left alone with their parents. I hope to he'll I didn't look drunk. Though I did make the mother repeat herself more than once... Around 1 I finally sobered up enough to drive and off Blondie and I went. Then as I struggled to get warm I remembered it was my grandmothers birthday lunch the next day. Hoo yah..

Train of thought pt. 2

2011-12-02T09:34:00.001-08:00

Trigger phrase/word: wet cat

wet cat > Eww that smells bad > But you can tie dogs down when you bathe them > What if you put the cat on a leash so they dont run away? > But what if the cat jumps and chokes itself? > Wasn't there a movie where a dog runs after someone jumps a fence and chokes to death because he was on a leash? > What's the name of that movie?!

2 Things

2011-12-01T18:46:00.001-08:00

1. Back in early October, Blondie and I went to the mall to get our friend Jasmine a birthday present. I already wrote what I got her, and that the lady at the Hallmark store was following me around. As if I'd shoplift! It wasn't until now that I realized that that was the first time this had happened to me. Have someone follow me around to make sure I wouldn't pocket things. Let's run through all the stereotypical factors that these assholes look for.
a) I'm not a teenager.
b) I'm not black. (stereotype & racist)
c) I wasn't wearing a huge jacket or carrying a large bag.

Okay that's all I can come up with, I'm just an average, short chick with long hair. If anything, when you look at me you'd think "angry hippie." What made this woman follow me around? Why me and not any of the other patrons? Why not stand over the young, straight man that was looking at Sanrio plush toys? He was a whole lot more suspicious than me, the angry hippie.

2. Last night we had some very fast winds, I woke up around midnight & didn't fall back to sleep until 330am. My bedroom door kept rattling, my cousins carport tent, a plastic one, kept whomping and crinkling, then her trash can began to roll around. Then I kept having to pee because it was cold. I piled up blankets & comforters, then I got hot. So I said whatevs, let's just stay cold.

I managed to sleep after...exhausting myself ;] and I woke up at 7, 15 minutes later than I usually do because the girls were sleeping over at our cousin's. It was just the baby and I.

Okay, I'm getting lost in my day, sorry sorry. High winds, trees, go down! There were leaves and branches all over the place. After coming back from visiting Blondie, I noticed that the road up ahead didn't look right. Then it hit me, a tree was blocking it. It was such a big tree that only one car could pass through. It wasn't like that when I passed by in the morning. And this is what I wanted to say. There was a crowd of locals, 5, standing on the sidewalk, one took it upon himself to direct the traffic. I was awed. I waved a thank you, hoping he could see it in my face that I thought he was awesome. What I saw in his was, "The sight of this fallen tree hurts me, but I'm still here."

This one's for that gentleman.

Another breakthrough!

2011-11-26T21:50:00.001-08:00

I think I have written a little bit about this before, but, when I was around 6 one of my aunts ran away from home. At the age of 6, it might have just skipped through my mind, but this particular aunt was very special to me. She used to spend a lot of time at our home because things at my grandmother's house were made unbearable due to our grandfather. She was like an older sister to me. I feel that all of my mother's brothers and sisters, my aunts and uncles, are my own as well, but she slept over so much time with us that our bond was closer.

I remember dressing up and putting makeup on, I still have a blurry picture we took of ourselves. I remember her always walking around barefoot even out on the street. And then one day my mother told me she had left. To one of her friend's house? When will she be back? No, she had run away with her boyfriend. I was distraught. I wasn't going to see her again, she wouldn't make breakfast while we listened to the classical music station on the radio. I remember crying while looking at pictures of her and feeling alone.

About three years later she showed up. I met her boyfriend and she took me to meet his family. Lovely people. But we never got as close as we used to be. Then she had my cousin and I knew our relationship would never be the same. Motherhood always comes before sisters, especially when you're not really sisters to begin with. Just a niece.

I've talked about how I think that this event has made me weary of trusting people. An important family member abandoned me, so now everyone else is. Let's not get attached. But that's not the breakthrough.

My aunt recently, well about a year now?, separated from her husband, the boyfriend she left with. She has a new one and try as he might, he is not winning me over. He's somewhat funny, jokes around a lot, is helpful and... That's about it. He annoys me greatly. It took years for me to have a decent conversation with her then husband, try five years ago. I didn't make it easy to get along with, but he didn't push himself on me. He didnt force his way to my good graces, he knew I would have to do it on my own.

Not the same with this new guy. I'm a shy person, very shy. I have an anxiety around people, but as I've gotten older I've realised that, hey, I CAN talk to people. So I am trying to get to know him, but the man is pushy. Not to mention that whenever my aunt is with him they act a little too lovey dovey for my tastes. It's a hair short of puke. And I've only been around him in clubs where you can't have a conversation. Again, I do believe I've written about that.

No, I'm not blaming him for not talking only to me, everyone else has to get to know him. But I prefer to do it while sober. You can't just determine that you like a person, much less like a person who is hanging out with your aunt/sister, just based on the fact that the man can party.

Which brings me to the moment of the parting of the haze. It's alright that she left with her ex-husband, I now realise that he was worth running away with. This new one though, well if they last another six years, maybe I might start liking him too.

Yes it took me this long to figure that out.

p.s. Bree, Sam told me you read this and I've just got to say; I like pooping and farting! I can't help writing about it. And sorry about the other "nasty" stuff I write about. 0=]

Notes on a Scandal by Zoe Heller

2011-11-22T08:41:00.001-08:00

I finished the book two days ago and was debating whether to review it once I saw the movie. But as that may not happen for quite some time I'll do it now.

*Lot's of spoilers ahead*

NoaS is about the protective friend, Barbara Covett, of a pottery teacher, Bathsheba "Sheba/Bash" Hart, who has a sexual relationship with a student, Steven Connolly. Barbara keeps a diary with a detailed account of Sheba's every move. Sheba is described by her fellow teachers as upper class, but she says she's "middle, she insists; at the very most, upper-middle". She has a dancer's figure and everyone takes notice that she is quite beautiful. St. George is filled with foul-mouthed miscreants. They give Sheba hell, to the point of making her huddle up in a corner, crying.

In one of those moments, Sheba is taking charge of the Homework Club, or H.C. There she first meets Steven. He is the only student doing his work, or so it seems. As she approaches his desk she see's that he is copying a drawing from a magazine clipping. She asks him is he's in her pottery class he says he isnt because he's in Special needs & therefore couldn't take an art class. Sheba's downfall is then set into motion. She decides she will try her best to get Connolly into her class.

As you get to the second or third chapter you get a feeling that things are not right with Barbara. She calculates in every page how she will end up being Sheba's friend, her confidant. Barbara also confesses on being very lonely and not being able to hold onto friends because they ultimately end up leaving her. Her opportunity is presented when Sheba is once again monitoring the H.C. Connolly is there with a male friend, they begin to play fight & the rest of the students egg them on. Sheba takes them outside where Barbara finds her shouting at them. She walks up to the boys & scares them straight. Sheba's gratitude is felt. After that incident they begin to have lunch together, with Sue Hodge, one of her old friends that parted ways. Barbara wins Sheba's friendship and Sue is ultimately shut off from their inner circle.

Barbara also writes in present time, after Sheba is caught and is facing a final jury meeting. Sheba is seen as distraught, thin, and still in love with Connolly. *This is very key to the rest of the story.

Sheba receives a drawing of herself from Connolly, underneath it, in sloppy writing it says "Foxy Lady." He later confesses he is in love with her. Sheba makes the effort to stomp the idea out of his head, but feels flattered in being the object of someone's admiration. Connolly waits for her after school and walks with her, Sheba rides a bicycle to & from work as she does not know how to drive. He kisses her.

To shorten this up: It is Connolly who sets things up, they make love in a park, in his bed, also in Sheba's classroom behind her kiln. She thinks she is in love with him because the spark has gone out of her marriage. Barbara's cat is sick & dies. When she tells Sheba about it she is furious at her casual condolence. She "let's slip" a hint about Sheba's inappropriate behavior with a third-year student.

Steven Connolly's mother goes to the Hart residence, Sheba's husband, Richard, answers the door and then, everyone knows. It's present day in Barbara's diary. Sheba has read it & knows that she was betrayed, but manipulative Barbara wins her back again. Who else will cook for poor Sheba? Who will look after her? A complete nut.

This book leaves you wondering if Barbara really is completely insane or if after the whole incident coming to light, Sheba has lost a few marbles. Or if that was Barbara's intention, since she is the one telling the story. I still am not sure which way to take it. It's a nice twist, except, I hate Barbara and wish the author had written the story through someone else's eyes. I felt like slapping Sheba and Barbara. Sheba for having a sexual relationship with a minor, Barbara for being a weirdo that doesnt immediately put a stop to it and also for being a clingy old bitch. I rate this book a Whatever. I hope the movie is better.

Sheba Hart: Cate Blanchett
Richard Hart: Bill Nighy
Barbara Covett: Judy Dench

---
Currently reading "Brave New World" by Aldous Huxley. Chapter 5, Part 1, page 72 and it is great so far.

Whatever happened to art for the sake of art?

2011-11-19T10:25:00.000-08:00

I watched "Work of Art" on Bravo this morning. I had refrained from watching the first season because I hate pretentious art, which undoubtedly, was all the contestants would do. But there was nothing on, besides the History Channel's Nazi Germany morning. I'm guessing this was the latest episode & will assume most have seen it, if not, go to the link.

Bravo Website.

In this challenge the remaining 8 contestants were paired up to make 4 teams. The challenge was to make graffiti art on the side of a huge building.

Picture 1 of 4 - Sucklord and Sarah: Aside from the 3D pieces popping out, it was completely unimaginative, something should have been added for that extra wow, that was desperately needed. I agreed with the judges decision in having this team be at the bottom two.

Picture 2 of 4 - Young Sun and Dusty: The winning team. Young Sun is painted, Obama "Change" promo poster style..., in the far left with a speech bubble saying, "I recently lost my father. How does it feel to become a parent?" Dusty is painted in the far right, same style, his speech bubbles says, "I recently became a father. How does it feel to lose a parent?" And in the middle their bubbles are united with, "it changes you."

I have lost a parent and this piece does not move me. I feel this piece is asking for pity. People are born & die every day, it's nothing new. I don't feel that this piece should have won. I also happen to hate"messages" in art.

Picture 3 of 4 - Kymia and Sara: The judges said this piece was better from far away. It is. But this is another "message" piece that I am not fond of. Message art, to me, is bad art with a story that is made up to explain it and try to make it work somehow. This was the runner up for the prize. I disagree with the judges.

Picture 4 of 4 - Lola and Michelle: My favorite of the four graffiti artworks. It's fun, it's perverted in a child's drawing style. It had penis stickers for the love of paint! I loved it all and wish it would be printed on a t-shirt or canvas bag that I would hide from my sisters. This team was at the bottom two.

Quit falling for the story and concentrate on the art, judges!

-----
I'm currently reading "Notes on a Scandal" by Zoe Heller.

Soulful, and I mean it!

2011-11-16T18:55:00.000-08:00

First I'd like to say Happy Birthday to Soo Nastee, Blondie's mom. =] You've got spunk, lady! And I guess I won't be able to make it for the cake..

Alright, I have been trying to find something on my laptop to watch/listen to, but everything I have I've seen countless times. I was about to revert to Nightwish, Tarja era, because that never fails. But I remembered I had a little hidden gem in a folder: Neko Case - The Tigers Have Spoken. It's a live recording album. Listened to the first track, If You Knew, skipped the next five and then put on track 7, Loretta, great stuff, then we got to it. Every album has that one song you anticipate, the one song that gets to you, makes your breath catch in your throat and eyes tear. That song is Favorite.

Soulful is not a word I toss around lightly, if anything, I would say something is souless. But Neko Case's voice is so raw with emotion in this song, it IS completely soulful.

Oh lie
I thought you were golden
I thought you were wise
Caught you returning
To the house you caught fire
But I know that I was your favorite
And I said Amen

Wise, found favorin' heaven
And I at your side
But I never felt sorry
For those shimmering lies
When I laid down and cried
I was faking
And I said Amen

Last night I dreamt
That I hit a deer with my car
Blood from his heart
Spilled out onto my dress and was warm
He begged me to follow
But legions of sorrow defied me

Oh lie
I thought you were golden
I thought you were wise
When I caught you returning
To the house you caught fire
But I know that I'm your favorite
And I said "Amen"
Oh favorite
And I said Amen

Despite what you may think, this is about the freeway.

2011-11-13T20:18:00.001-08:00

I can't look away, my eyes are blinded
The tedium and beauty of it all, day after day.
Your bright red lights, and impatient gestures
And I am still here with you, side by side.
You make me want to cry out of happiness.
You make me want to yell.

My mind goes blank, before I remember where I am
How much longer?
Your beauty begins to fade, I see behind your facade.
You've deceived me again, I, your most willing victim
I will fall for you again as I always have.
Because I need you, and you would be empty without me.
I complete you, as you destroy me.

It's time.

We part ways, your gentle curve leading me away.
I can relax again.
I am free.

Pet Peeve of the Week

2011-11-12T11:47:00.001-08:00

Washing a dish, cup, plate, spoon, pan, etc., multiple times within 5 minutes. I don't mind washing a new plate, or whatever, but it annoys me if someone else gets something I've just washed and then I have to wash it again. Makes no sense, I know, but it annoys me, like blue whale big.

Eggs!

2011-11-11T19:44:00.001-08:00

I hate cooking eggs. I hate the way they smell, raw and cooked. Never knowing what heat setting or when the right time to flip them over is, so you get a runny line of egg white across the pan.

Oh unborn chick, you smell worse than prick.

My dad likes them sunny side undercooked, and hot oil is constantly jumping onto my bare arms. Do I cover up and feel like I'm in an oven or brave the sting? Fucking eggs!

Makes it worth waking up at 540

2011-11-10T06:53:00.001-08:00

I woke up a full hour ahead of my alarm clock, but since we moved back an hour I'm still right on time. I checked Twitter out of sheer boredom and what do you suppose was trending? #LilWayneWackestPunchlines. And guess what? They are.

Who is Lil Wayne you ask? That's a damn good question, the answer being: My new favorite rapper. But wait, I'm not going to "listen" to his music, I'm just going to look up the lyrics, because this just can't be real. Everyone on Twitter must be pulling my leg because these lines are ridiculous!

Without further delay, I give you #TT #LilWayneWackestPunchlines:

"Sit your 5 dollar ass down before I make change"

"I'm a made nigga, I should dust something"

"I knock her lights out, I blow her fuse"

"Weezy F baby and the F is for phenomenal"

"I turn you on like a handle"

"Leave 'em dead in the living room"

" 'Yeah, I'm a bear, like black and white hair, so I'm polar.' -No bro, that's a Panda"

"I cut my phones off, both lines. It's about to get nasty, pork rinds"

"If real shit is dead/ Then nigga I'm a bastard"

"Stronger than Draino, your boyfriend a lame-o"

"Being fake is pussy, so I'm a virgin"

"Don't call me 'sir'. Call me 'sir-vivor' "

"I wear a gun like a girdle Bullet proof car got me feeling like a turtle"

"I'm going in like my water broke"

"Real G's move in silence like lasagna" -Oh, I get you.. ;]

Alexander and Alestria by Shan Sa

2011-11-08T08:00:00.000-08:00

Many apologies for my absence, I grabbed one too many books than I could read. After reading the terribly outdated "Suburbanistas," I went on to read "Confessions of a Shophaholic" which I loved and thought was better than the movie. After reading that, I picked up "Alexander and Alestria" by Shan Sa. I have to admit I had doubts about this book, the hard cover summary was very enticing, but I've been disappointed before.

A & A is the story of Alexander, the effeminate child of the king of someplace in Greece and Alestria, the Queen of the Amazons/Siberia. Or "the girls who love horses." Although living worlds apart, our hero and heroine are destined for each other. Both are fearsome warriors who have killed their share of men, fucked their share of men as well. Once they do meet, it is love at first fight. This book takes you from Greece to Persia and India and goes on to describe the clothing worn by each tribe, country and slaves with great detail. That means this is a chick book.

There are also some very nice poems included for specific scenes, I'm not a fan of poetry, but Ms. Sa did very well in keeping them poetic rather than forced. The ending was too rushed for me. After countless battles and Alestria's Ghandi episode, a mere 9 page ending wasn't enough to describe the "return home," and finally "the return to he river." The book is not historically accurate, that may bother some, but this is Shan Sa's world for Alestria and Alexander. It sounds better that way, doesn't it? ;] All in all, I give this book a go, I enjoyed reading it.

This is just terrible, the worst, the absolute pits!

2011-11-03T23:13:00.001-07:00

Bobby: My clit is broken!!! :'[

S: What!?!

Bobby: I can't.. and I keep trying and... it's not happening!!!

S: I'll see what I can do next time we're together.

Bobby: I can't wait that long, I'm miserable right now. Miserable!

S: Sad.

Bobby: Very. I can't even tell if I'm having weaksauce ones, it's like they're on mute. Unmute! Unmute!

S: My poor baby.

Halloween on a Monday?!

2011-10-31T10:21:00.000-07:00

Well it's happened, Halloween has been ruined this year because it's on a Monday! I don't dress up or anything, I don't even take my brother and sisters trick- or-treating, but who wants to open the door all night long and pass out candy on a Monday? Not me. Oh wait, I don't pass out candy either.

I'm not a rotten person, I just don't do, I just am. I just sit here, perched in my nest, staring down at everyone through my glasses, giving out an occasional "Squaaawk!" What? The kids always go out with their cousins to get candy, they have their fun okay? This year we have Maleficient from Sleeping Beauty, Raggedy Anne and Batman from Batman Begins. I hooked up Adriana with some green makeup on Friday, she's Maleficient. The girls' school had their costume parade on Friday, and today is my brothers.

And to note on my 4 day absence, I planned on writing something for Friday, I don't remember what now, but I got sick with I dont know what. I took vitamins before heading over to the parade and had a fever through it all, but I managed to Mona Lisa smile at everyone and snap some photos. I fell asleep as soon as we got home at 430 and then when my dad came home he gave me some Claritin-D. Never again. I experienced headaches and dizziness for two days, the weekend, and am just finally getting over it. The headaches & dizziness, I'm still sick, it's just a runny/stuffy nose. How do I manage that? Oh yes, and a sore throat, but that's okay because I like sounding sick. You know what I mean right? Of course you do.

Blondie has been writing some stuffs and I'm finally getting around to editing it, sorry for the delay my Shtrudel. I should convince her to let me post my favorite part so far. Yes?

=o did she just...?

2011-10-27T07:19:00.001-07:00

I was listening to Adele's "Rolling In The Deep" when my sisters come in.

Adriana: Seriously? You're listening to this? Sammy kept trying to get me to sing that, she wanted to records me. (starts humming the song) ...You see what happens?!

Bobby: Okay, now go away.

They both leave and as they reach the doorway I fart. Catherine turns around.

Catherine: Did you just?! Eww she farted! (runs to her room) Adriana, Bobby just farted! Look go into her room and you'll be able to smell it! (goes to our brother) Igo, Bobby farted. (stands in my doorway with Igo) Look, go smell her butt.

Igo: (looks at her like she's crazy) No, I don't want to.

Catherine: Come on, I'll do it with you. It'll be like going to a haunted house.

....My ass is a haunted house.

Another reason I'm such an angry driver

2011-10-25T14:50:00.001-07:00

Ok, it was 1:20pm, I was driving down the main road towards the liquor stores parking lot that I use. It's right down the hill from my sisters school and I know the store owner and he lets me park there. The main road has three, good-sized lanes on either side, I drive on the lane next to the sidewalk, which would be the 1st or 3rd, depending on which way you're counting.

Ahead of me was a silver Jeep Compass driving unusually slow AND veering into the middle lane towards their left. I'm thinking, hurry up and get out of my way so I can reach the damn store parking! I put my right turn signal, directionals S!, a block before I have to turn, I'm a car away from turning and what happens? Jeep Compass suddenly turns into the parking lot and parks right in the entrance, legal parking area, but it blocks people coming out of the lined parking spaces. I shimmy into a space, and head towards the school.

Okay, 20 minutes later both my sisters appear and we start walking down the hill towards our car. Jeep Compass is still there, directly behind me and the driver, a woman in a neon brown, I didn't know the color existed either, knitted dress is walking all over the parking lot talking on her phone. My sisters want to buy something so my brother and I get in the car. Over 5 minutes pass by and I'm getting annoyed.

They finally come out and I check around for Jeep Compass Driver, shes not close by, so I back out. Tony, the store owner drives up behind me, so I pull in again. I see he's going to reverse into a parking space, but guess what? Yep, Jeep Compass Driver is blocking it. She walks over and is now standing in the empty space to my left. But she's still walking around inching closer. I check for cars, nada, so I begin to pull out again, aware of Jeep Compass Driver still even more closer to my car. I'm finally out and then I hear a Wham Wham! noise. Holy hell, did I back into the car?

No, Jeep Compass Driver had two male passengers who were fixing her tire and I got too close to their balls. I look in my left hand side mirror, see a Guido, I don't have any hate for Italians but this cat looked like he belongs next to Snooki, crouching below and his curly haired companion. Guido is mouthing, "Are you fucking crazy? Are you fucking crazy?" with a genuine, are you fucking crazy/puzzled look on his face.

I was a second from being crazy then. Maybe if you got neon brown wearing Jeep Compass Driver to stand next to you, instead of bugging every fucking car, I would have seen you in my blind spot. No wait, its still a blind spot. Don't call me crazy because I'm a woman driver, I'm Fred Fucking Astaire and the streets are my dance floor, you jock itch.

Tomatoe, tomato.. It's an apple damnit!

2011-10-23T23:15:00.001-07:00

In the spirit of Halloween, S' mom made some caramel apples. I'm not fond of caramel so she went to work on some chocolate covered apples, dark chocolate covered apples. ;] And purple sugar to top it all off.

She used Granny Smith and it was either Gala, Macintosh or a Fuji apple. But I'm guessing it was a Gala apple going by size. Dark chocolate is bitter, so the Gala apple really tasted much better with it, it balanced it out. I love Granny Smith apples, but they're better off candied. I wonder if S' mother knows how to make that..

As far as Hallloween costumes go, I'm not sure what the sibs want to dress up as. And if Blondie wants to do something, I've been thinking of doing an Edda Moser painted mask. I haven't tracked down what opera it's from, but I suspect it's one by Mozart. Anyways, it's way neat and now I'm going to walk like an Egyptian into my dreams.

Yuck!

2011-10-21T07:09:00.000-07:00

I borrowed this book from Blondie, btw S this is that crappy book I was talking about. Anyways, she got the book at a dollar store when she forgot some reading material. It's completely yucks. Pamela Redmond Satrand tried to go for hip mom fiction, I've read hip mom fiction and most have been decent, PTO meetings just aren't hip, you're slaves to your children & school women & the occasional man.

The book is about two women who have known each other since childhood in New Jersey.. Stella Powers and Other Friend That Runs For Mayor, or OFWRFM. Stella is a wild child, has sex with Pete or was it Peter? She runs away to Hollywood to become a movie star and this breaks OFWRFM's heart. OFWRFM end up marrying Pete or Peter and they have 4 children, Blondie says it was 6, but that's just too fucked up on a vagina, and I remember 6 kids: oldest son Peter or Pete, named after the father Pete or Peter, the twins Franny (yuck) and other twin with a C name and the youngest.... Well I forget his name but he did wear bottle glasses so that's what I'll call him. OFWRFM envies Stella's life, but Stella has problems of her own, she married her agent to advance her career, divorced, married a British actor, had a baby, Idaho Powers, but he turned out to be gay, divorced, married Eddie a rock starwho cheated on her with the nanny, Gretta the "homewrecka". Yes, that's what they call her.

Long story short, Redmond Satrand is stuck in the 80s, the bookis filled with memory lane trips, a Pronce scene, the artist formerly known as Prince Prince. And honestly, the names, they sucked! The worst part s that the author has written a babybook name or two. Idaho?! Cmon!

Blondie hated it too.

Breakthrough Revelation!

2011-10-19T19:51:00.001-07:00

I've just found out the real reason behind anniversaries! Relationship anniversaries: it's to remember what day you began going steady! Wow! It's a good thing S keeps track of that crap.

Bobby: Babe, how long have we known each other?

S: 4 years. Why?

Bobby: =o Are you shitting me?! 4 years?! Because I always forget.. And how long have we been together?

S: 3

Bobby: =o!! Say what? Really? I could have sworn it was just 2 years.

S: No babe. We met in 2008.

Bobby: Yeah, I know that, but I meant I thought it had only been 2 years since I officially asked you out and shit.

S: You asked me out? I count it from the first time my penis entered your mouth.

Bobby: -_- Shut up. And yes, after months of turning you down, I finally asked you out.

S: Haha

Bobby: Jackalope.

S: I love you.

Bobby: I love you too.

The reason I forget our "anniversary" is because we don't celebrate it. Forget yearly gifts, just crack my back!

Bobby: Wait a second you herp derp, if we met in 2008... Oh wait, you mean face to face? Omg, you don't honestly count it from then do you?

S: Kind of. Because we never really stopped messing around and it's just easier that way.

Bobby: We were those friendly friends with sexual benefits.

S: Haha

Click and Donate

2011-10-18T07:01:00.000-07:00

Blondie: *sigh* I'm on FreeRice attempting to distract myself and learn at the same time.

Bobby: I love FreeRice! Sometimes I cheat and Google shit up to donate more rice.

Blondie: Lmao! I'm doing the painting one and beh, Level 1.

Bobby: Just do Spanish, es super facil.

Blondie: But, but, I want to learn, not just donate rice. That's like the bonus!

Bobby: -_- Donating is everything, and learning at the same time is a plus! Well, for those sites it is.

Blondie: ...Learn.

Bobby: Whatevs, whatevs. As long as you get lots of rice.

Blondie: I have 2120 grains, I feed a family I think, or one extremely large man.

Bobby: They're sneaky, I forgot how they calculate that into how much they donate.

Do a quick search on: "click to donate sites" and you'll get a bunch of hits, or just go to FreeRice.

The Vagina Monologues and Pubic Hair

2011-10-17T10:27:00.000-07:00

I recently read The Vagina Monologues by Eve Ensler, sank you Blondie, and while I did like it, it was very uninspiring. To me at least. I guess it would be more enjoyable to actually see the play, it's all done for a great cause. I think I've just been spoiled by Sex and the City, give me raunchy, female ejaculation, getting cum in your eye stories! Not, I'd name my vagina Vadgezilla and it would wear Dior and reeks of Issey Miyake.

I also really hate the hate on no hair on a vagina. So what if pornstars & exotic dancers bare their bits the most! Do you honestly look at a woman with no pubic hair and think 13-year old, 13-year old! What about her flared hips, her round breasts and shapely bottom? Baby, that's a woman. And if that woman wants to shave, wax or get some damn Scotch tape and pull those fuckers clean out, she still won't look like a little girl. Get your mind out of the gutter and stop thinking your about to do the dirty with a teenager.

Embrace the smoothness and get rid of pubic hair if you want to. Nobody likes pubes in their mouth.

I think I might be

2011-10-15T09:01:00.001-07:00

Addicted to speed, Nnot the drug, but high velocity. I'll catch myself speeding and going over "humps" on the road like a maniac, and I am such an angry driver. It's hard not to be when everyone else is a douche, ignoring stop signs, being asses around school zones, and double parking, how I hate it when they double park. Especially if it's me they're closing off. Ain't nuthin' but bitches an' hoes!

Yesterday was my good friend Jasmine's 21st Birthday, Happy Late Blog Wishes. It's okay, I was with her until 1:30am, got home at 2. I bought her some Hello Kitty Mary Jane slippers, I'm thinking of getting some for myself in purple, a plushie Hello Kitty doll dressed up as a black cat, it might be Chococat and a multi-colored beaded Hello Kitty bracelet. She likes Hello Kitty by the way. And she cried! My gifts made her cry. And I got a hug.

And now I say: Poop and ye shall be fruitful.

So not the business

2011-10-12T17:19:00.001-07:00

Bobby: =o!!! OMFG! OMFG! My sister Catherine just came up to me and put her chin on my butt! I feel violated!

Blondie: Why!! It's just a chin, it could have been her nose

Bobby: At first I though it was her nose, but then after being like this ---> o.o thinking wtf is she doing, she says, "That was my chiiiin!"

Blondie: ....How do you put your chin on someone's ass?

Bobby: I guess she stuck out her chin and... Ugh Blondie, don't make me relive it!

Blondie: ....Bobs it's no biggie, it just happens. Lol babies are curious

Bobby: -_- she's not a baby and she did it on purpose!

Blondie: That's what I meant, she wanted to know what you would do!

Bobby: The little ass sniffer! ='[

Blondie: ! Yay! Oh, I will make a Salvi Mex of you yet!

Bobby: =D Yay! I feel better now

Blondie: Mhmm ::) so tomorrow we should go swimming :)

Bobby: x_x I can't swim

Blondie: ......*sigh* you're no fun! Wtf!

Bobby: I'm loads of fun mmkay, I just happen to not be able to swim.

Blondie: ....Hmmm because you're you, I let that slide but you must learn to swim. What are you going to do in a tsunami?? Or at the beach, come on srsly! Swim bizatxh swimm!!

Bobby: I'm going to make a hamster bubble with a sign that says "In case of tsunami pop inside" and beaches, my mortal enemy! :hiss:

Blondie: Lol :(

Bobby: -_- ok, what if I get like 20 floaties?

Blondie: .......-_-'..... Why must you, Jas and Ed drown. I know ya'll are sticks, but I cans't to keep you all alive

Bobby: Honey child, I ain't no stick, and I can't speak for the other two, but I fears the deep water.

Blondie: But promise me to never drown on on me in 3 feet of water, I've seen it happen.

Bobby: .....ok, I hoped never to speak of it, but.... When I was 13, I was about 6" shorter, I almost drowned in 3' of water :blushes:

Blondie: .....you already broke your promise.

Bobby: It was before I met you! Annulled!

Blondie: Ok ok fine, but *sigh* yes, it totes happens. People panic and forget theres a floor to stand on.

Bobby: Yeah, I slipped... :blushes harder:

Blondie: Lol.... Hmm into the pool? Or on the floor of the pool?

Bobby: Don't laugh!! And on the floor of the pool, it was one of those above ground blue plastic pools.

Blondie: Above ground?? ....It was instinct to put the lol, sorry. It's really quite sad! Smacked the shit out of my cousin once, she thought she was dying!

Bobby: =/ I meant it in a "Biatch, don't laugh at my purple panties!" type of way. And gah, it so sucks.

Blondie: ....Purple panties??? How did you know? Hmmmm, I've only drowned in Hurricane Harbor in the wave pool.

Bobby: Oh chet! That's so not the business.

I killed my smoke detector

2011-10-11T09:04:00.001-07:00

I was getting out of the shower, I left the door open because I'm fly like that, and heard a beep-beep-beep, soft, but loud enough to hear inside the stall. I'm toweling off and it get's louder. Beep! Beep! It's not the one in the hallway, so I go into my room and sure enough it's my sensor that's beeping. There wasn't a fire or anything, thanks for worrying.. -_- The battery had died, so I stand on my bed and try to unscrew it to take it out. It doesn't budge, in fact I'm turning it so hard it almost comes off the wall.

Not wanting that to happen, again, I opt for a cleaner solution. Hammer time, the bent one! I aim for the center, where the "reset" button is and wham, bam, pow! The beeping starts fading, and makes a high beep now. That's not good enough. Boom shaka laka! Silence.. I have slain thee Noise Maker! And the big surprise was that it didn't dent or break, it's made out of plastic. I'll just blame my uncle of being negligent with my safety, "You've put a faulty smoke sensor in my room, you slob!" (*^_^*)y

1st/Bottom floor dilemma's

2011-10-10T12:23:00.001-07:00

Okay, I live in the bottom floor of a duplex, which is basically a 2 storey apartment or a badly designed house that just had no hope so it was divided into two sections. And well, its more on street level, it's not at a busy intersection, that would be hell, but it does lead off from a busy street and there is a lot of cars passing by all the time & the locals walk by and can be seen at almost eye-level from the dinning and living room windows.

I can live with that, but the windows are flimsy and do not keep sound out, 40% at the most, but that's still somewhat okay because it gets stuffy very quickly, so they have to be open anyways. The people passing by isn't a big problem if I kept the curtains shut and just used the lighting, but I hate being wasteful so I like natural light coming in. Here's where the problem comes in, if I am alone in my place of residence, it's completely my own choice to walk around naked towards the bathroom, or if I've forgotten to turn off the stove, I can just run over to the kitchen. But wait, you have to pass the living and dinning room to get to the kitchen, from my bedroom. Whiich means I either have to put on a robe, close the curtains or just chance it and make like a racehorse.

Well, it's about time for my shower and my aunt and uncle are doing gosh-knows-what around the front and back of the place, my uncle is standing out back like a creep in front of the window in the garage. I want to take my shower and be able to just go in and out like the mist! But I can't risk them, and oh you'd better believe they're nosy fucks, peeping through the windows. I am le sad.

Which reminds me, my loofah-on-a-stick came off it's stick.. ='[ No more back scrubbing because I'm not a contortionist.

Oh and Blondie, that's why translators were made! That post was especially for Russia, heeyy!, so get your booty over to translate.google.com girl!

Lost my credits

2011-10-09T13:03:00.000-07:00

I added partial credits for my banner and background. I say partial because my dumbass forgot everything I used, just do a search on DeviantArt for whatever it is you need or drop me a line to search for it. If I'm not stuck in a toilet, I might actually do it. ;] Oh, you know I'd do it.

Watched half of "Lost in Translation" with Bill Murray, Scarlett Johansson, Giovanni Ribisi and Anna Faris. And I'm currently searching IMDb to find out who the "masseur" was. Okay, credited as "Premium Fantasy Woman" we have Nao Asuka.

That's her. Now go watch her scene, you will loves it.

La Prostibula y Los Bobbadorianos

2011-10-06T09:04:00.001-07:00

Bobby: So my dad just confessed that he let his "lady friend" borrow $300 because she lost her job. I thought we were just broke, but it's her! Which means I'm not going to have a phone on Friday. Because of her! -_- I'm soo pissed off at all women who take advantage of a trusting man and vice versa.

Blondie: Wait...... What??

Bobby; Lo que Leiste Blondie. She lost her job and my dad let her borrow $300. We are so not getting it back..

Blondie: ..That I understand, I can even maybe see why, they say nothing (if you know what I mean) is free.. But that phone bit... Say it ain't soooo...

Bobby: I'm turning a blind eye to that Blondie. But yes? za phone bill is due tomorrow and Friday it shall be cut off.

Blondie: .. ... ..I am.. Ewliszd)csaqwZxzkda!!!! Wealh&!!!edeil!!!!Dad!

Bobby: Yuup. She'd better be giving my dad a bj, she can't get preggers from that. Unless she's saving it?! Mendiga prostibula!

Blondie: Ahaha I see the Salvi cuss words coming out :) but fml she better be doing something. Why you doing this faja!

Bobby: Ok we needs a plan. I come over tomorrow (today) at 9 (soon) and same for Fri? And por si las moscas, we talk more about it tomorrow.

Blondie: Moscas? Ay, I'm having a stupid moment!! And just tomorrow, 9. :) Tu aqui!

Bobby: It's a saying, I guess a Mexi only saying. It's pretty much the same as "just in case/or if anything happens."

Blondie: ....Def never heard that before.

Bobby: I'm too Mexi for za Blondie, too Mexi for za Blondie, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.

Blondie: Lol and she's too Mexi, you know what I mean, when she eats pozole, the pozole yeah :) I don't think you eat that?

Bobby: Lol. I don't eat it anymore, maybe if I made it without meat, but I haven't tried to do it. Ok, Mexidorian or Salexican?

Blondie: ...You Mexisal, me Salvimex :)

Bobby: Hmmm.. we should just be Bobbadorians (Other Bobby), we sprouted out of Bobby's head fully grown. You carrying an eyeliner and me... Scowling!

Blondie: Omg I love that idea!

Bobby: Mwahaha!

Blondie: This guy just jacked off and cried.. (She was watching American Horror Story)

Bobby: Roflmfao!!

Blondie: I'm telling you, watch it, watch it, watch it!

Bobby: ZZZzzzZzzzzz

Долгое ожидание - A long wait

2011-10-05T12:13:00.000-07:00

Since there are a lot of views from Russia, I've decided to post a little something especially for you. Also because I'm feeling slightly melancholy.

Дождь начался когда-то suring ночь я проснулся от звука, что это нежный стук Питтер на крыше. Я открыл глаза и увидел черного. Я вдохнул и пахла мокрым бетоном. Я лежал в течение некоторого времени не зная, что делать дальше. Вглядываясь в темный, почти прося ответить на те, которые всегда есть.

Попробуйте и спасти меня сейчас.

"Вы уверены, что хотите это сделать?" Конечно, я.

Там нет смысла пытаться встать сегодня. Это обыкновение делать ничего хорошего. Каждый день, то же, всегда же борьбы, боли и разочарования никогда не получать в любом месте. И наказания, всегда есть цена. Лучше просто остаться здесь, под тонкий лист, лежал на матрасе кусковых и смотреть в темноту. "Тише становится в тупик." Я знаю, что. Но это слишком много усилий. "Я мог бы вам помочь." Зачем ты это сделал? Вы никогда не помогал мне раньше. "Ты, растущие на меня. И я чувствую себя щедрым сегодня. Что Вы говорите?" Ок. Вы выглядят по-разному сегодня. Что мне делать? "Просто стоять на месте".

Дверь открылась, и вошел человек в: "Почему ты плачешь?" Он сказал: "Тебе не нравится здесь?"

"Помните, что стоит на месте, задержите дыхание!"

"Если бы я расслабился ваши отношения будут ты смотришь на меня?" и он шел вперед, все ближе и ближе к кровати. Потом остановилась, как бы подумать, он поднял руку и провел его груди. Его дыхание было напряженным. А потом он упал. Никогда не подняться.

"Смотрите, я вам сказал, что помогло бы." Спасибо. Но как же я буду убираться отсюда сейчас? "Я предполагаю, что я не думаю, что вещи все путем. Просто рад, что он обыкновенно прикоснуться к вам больше." Да, это улучшение. Это не так темно, больше с открытой дверью.

Sorry if it doesn't translate.

Stranded in the bathroom..

2011-10-04T16:37:00.001-07:00

I was having a 2, and was looking for some toilet paper when I realized we were out. I called out for my sisters, but got no answer. I grabbed a scrubbing brush and reached over to the door and rapped it. Finally, a blank sheet of paper and pencil slips underneath the door. At least I thought it was blank..

1. Hey what are you doing

Me: Get me toilet paper!

1: EWWWW! There is no more!

Me: Napkins then

1: There is no napkins!

Me: Liar, hurry up before I use your socks (I didn't know if I was writing to Adriana or Catherine, so I started looking for both their socks in the hamper).

1: Fine! (And a tiny ankle sock is slipped underneath the door)

I burst out laughing and behind the door I hear someone tee-heeing. -_- Catherine..

Me: Go get napkins, there's still some you liar. I'll cover the pencil in poo.

Catherine: Then do it allretey (already) and cep (keep) the pensol (pencil).

Me: You're so going to get in trouble when I get out. Ohh, and you're not going to eat too.

Catherine: I DONT CARE

I remembered Adriana had a texting app on her iPod so I texted her, got what I needed and got out of the bathroom and tickled Catherine to death and now I have to go because I have to cook. Cat's not getting anything but my cold gaze. Like this. -_-

Maturity

2011-10-03T12:05:00.001-07:00

1 full-grown; ripe 2 fully developed, perfected, etc. (I'm not a damn fruit!) 3 experienced: showing qualities gained by development and experience

1. based on slow consideration <a mature judgment>
Sentence: After mature reflection, I concluded that he had been mistaken. He was nonplused by her nonchalant demeanor but took it as an act of peace and goodwill, when in truth she is revolted by him and is too timid to embark in a confrontation that might be all in her head. Or is it?

Why couldn't I have just been a fruit?

Easy like Sunday morning

2011-10-02T19:48:00.000-07:00

I went to IKEA yesterday with Blondie, Wiffey (Jasmine), Raul and John, I had the potato broccoli medallions, which smelled rotten, but were okay and then turned even better when I added Tabasco sauce. But now I'm thinking they had to have had some non-vegan ingredient, like egg. I can't find any ingredient list. Oh well.. Won't have them again.

Anyways, I've updated my e-mail link, because I just checked it and found out it wasn't working. Seriously Russia? You're here every day and you haven't said a word, Мне стыдно. Потрясенные. Шучу. =] But it would be nice to know who it is over there that's been reading my rants. Also, if you scroll all the way to the bottom of the page, you will notice I have added a widget that will take you to eventful.com, click it, because I love IMPALED and you should love them too. Demand them, who doesn't want to hang around Ross Sewage? He's fabulous damn it!

I'm done for

2011-10-01T02:19:00.001-07:00

Well folks, it's happened. I was fighting to keep my eyes open but succumbed to sleep just before 11pm. I then woke up at around 1:30am, I know this because I checked my phone, I don't keep clocks in my room remember?, and saw that I had three texts. Always happy to hear from friends, the ones I like anyways, I clicked view, two from Blondie and one from my cousin Krystal.

Read Blondie's, I still don't know!, and then clicked on Krystal's text, which was a picture message. And I get: Fwd, Fwd, FWD!!! Fooorwaaard! Give to someone else, c'mon, do it! Aah! Real Monsters! Well, it didn't go exactly like that, but there was a lot of Fwd'ing action going on because I was sent a chain letter, or chain text in this case. The picture Krystal was so kind to send was that of Samara from The Ring climbing up her well.

Do you have an inkling to what it was about yet? If you guessed Carmen Winstead, you're right. Google it up, get the facts, I'm not re-sending, sorry FWD, FWD,Fwd!, FWWDDD!-ing to anyone. That means I'm going to be thrown down a sewer, and have my face peeled off and my neck broken. A risk I'm willi.. Not willing but I'm too lazy to find phone numbers. I have more than 20 contacts okay, I have the required amount of people to send it back to. Psh. That's not the reason why I'm not sending it. In fact, I think I'll just send it out to Tina. RIGHT NOW, at 2:15 mwahaha! Ah-hahahaha!

..you know, that way maybe my neck wont get broken. It's better than having all three things done mmkay?!

What to do?

2011-09-29T20:45:00.001-07:00

An old high school acquaintance of mine recently posted a link, on Facebook, that led to a petition to keep a friend of hers from being deported to Mexico. Briefly summarizing what was said on the site-- this friend came to the U.S., in the year 1996, she then learned English a year later. She graduated from high school and recently began taking Sociology classes at a University. On Saturday, September 10, 2011 she traveled to Miami, Florida for a job-related convention, she was then arrested when police asked for i.d., and were shown her Mexican passport. She is still currently detained in Florida, her friends and family want her to be granted a "Prosecutional Discretion."

"'Prosecutorial Discretion' is the authority of an agency or officer to decide what charges to bring and how to pursue each case. A law-enforcement officer who declines to pursue a case against a person has favorably exercised prosecutorial discretion. The authority to exercise discretion in deciding when to prosecute and when not to prosecute based on a priority system has long been recognized as a critical part of U.S. law. The concept of prosecutional discretion applies in civil, administrative, and criminal contexts. The Supreme Court has made it clear that "an agency's decision not to prosecute or enforce, whether through civil or criminal procecess is a decision generally commited to an agency's absolute discretion." Heckler v. Chaney 470 U.S. 821, 831 (1985)

Prosecutorial discretion may be excercised at any stage of an immigration case."

There are nearly 300,000 pending removal cases.

http://immigrationpolicy.org/just-facts/understanding-prosecutorial-discretion-immigration-law

"delaying removals in cases where people have longstanding ties to the community (Not too many people care much for the homeless, should they be deported too? Do they have "ties" to any community since most are modern day nomads, very much like Gypsies), U.S.-citizen family members (And shouldn't these family members have been "trying" to persuade them to obtain legal residence?), or other characteristics that merit a favorable exercise of discretion." -comments in parenthesis are my own.

I'm upset at the high number of cases there are. Yes, my grandparents and parents are immigrants, but my mother died a naturalized citizen and my father is a "legal resident". These things didn't just happen overnight, and this friend has been in the U.S. for 15 years! How does one learn English whithin a year, put herself through high school, college and a university, but forgets one VERY important detail; citizenship!

"____ does not belong in jail, she should be allowed to return home so she can continue her education and achieve her dream of becoming a Sociology instructor." Nowhere in that sentence does it say, "and become a citizen." Does a crimminal not belong in jail? I'm sorry, but aren't "illegal" aliens in a country.. "illegally." I would never dream of entering a country illegally. Yes, there are people in financial situations that would benefit and prosper in another country, but is it right to add on to another country's financial burden? Wouldn't it be wiser to learn the national language first and then apply for legal entrance?

I know I would be devastated if this happened to one of my own family members, but would they have deserved it? Yes, absolutely.

I'm not saying this woman shouldn't be granted prosecutorial discretion, it's not up to me, but I am also not signing that petition. Am I a "race traitor?" How can I betray something I will always be? Through my skintone, my last name, the difficulties I have in pronouncing certain words because my parents wanted me to be bilingual? I am not a traitor, but if there's anything to live by, it's justice and honor.

p.s. If you want the link to sign the petition contact me at: thelebobby@gmail.com and I will send it to you. This isn't one of my main addresses, so please excuse any delay in getting back to you.

More of my whacky thoughts

2011-09-28T13:24:00.001-07:00

Me: (in my head) I don't know guy, I don't know. Im more of a, "you're my friend, but let me ogle you. I want to stare into your eyes until I can see you lusting for me. I want to see it all in my mind."

And then I anticipated what S would say about this.

Impostor S: You're gonna ogle who?

Me: The guy in my mind.

Impostor S: Your mind, right. Quit cheating on me.

Me: Neva!

Impostor S: I'm going to hit you in the head.

Of course, when the real S reads this, he'd probably say something like, "Oh, I'll hit more than your head." I'm right aren't I?

I can't recall who I sent this to, most likely S, because even though I love you Blondie, this is just too weird. So weird I'm having second thoughts about posting it, buy here it is. My possessed vadge in all it's glory.
"Theres something about being on my period, it's like my vagina is talking to me and it's saying 'Fuck something, fuck something!"

Well I wasn't going to post pictures, if that's what you were thinking. Dirty.

Foreign Country of the Day - 09/28

2011-09-28T08:04:00.000-07:00

Turkey, Türkiye'ye Tebrik, sadece kaza bile blog'uma geldiğiniz için teşekkür ederiz, thanks to my love of goat beards. They're simply irresistible. ;]

They Might Be Giants

Ok, what do you have for me Turkey? How about some brilliant architecture, you've got that for sure. Dolmabahçe Palace , majestic, golden colored rooms with beautiful furnishings. That would make some puzzle, Blondie.

Wrestling! That's something I also enjoy, the Turks have a specific wrestling sport called yağlı güreş, which means oil, or grease, wrestling. It is named so because the contestants douse themselves in olive oil. I imagine they also end up with very soft skin as well.

I like you even more, now that I have found out you have the Taurus Mountains, Toros Dağları, because I am a Taurus. Happy dance.

Foreign Country of the Day - 09/27

2011-09-27T09:13:00.001-07:00

Indonesia, 2 page views today so far, thanks to my funky old Converse.

Halo dan selamat pagi atau malam hari untuk Anda di Indonesia.

Let's have a look at something Indonesian, ok this is very interesting: Wayang Kulit, 'wayang is a Javanese word for theatre (literally"shadow").' - taken from Wikipedia.

Resembles the... have you guys seen Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 1 yet? If you haven't stop reading.

Are you away? You're probably still reading, aren't you? Go away. Now.

Okay, fine, it basically looks like the scene where Xenophilius Lovegood, Luna's father, tells Ron, Harry and Hermoine about the Deathly Hallows. You know the scene with the creepy shadow puppets. Very Tim Burton-esque scene actually.

Anyways, wayang kulit, "kulit means skin, and refers to the leather construction of the puppets that are carefully chiselled with very fine tools and supported with carefully shaped buffalo horn handles and control rods." - also taken from Wikipedia.

Indonesia can boast about their lovely scenic.. volcanoes, you make them look good, and nutmeg! (note to self: find recipes with nutmeg.)

It's a pattern

2011-09-26T09:16:00.000-07:00

Lately I find myself annoyed at/with everyone/everything, more than usual. =]
I think it's because I'm beginning to feel like I am my father's wife, my mother.

I am the firstborn, I was there watching my parents struggling to get the parenting thing right, see me doing fine, relax, and then give me an incredible amount of freedom. But it was a limited freedom, and I was the one holding myself back. I still don't understand why. I remember being very outgoing until I got to 1st grade and I can't truly say that something at home was the cause. I don't have any memories from the ages of 5-7/8ish. Obviously anything below the age of 5 is a mystery to me, I just remember school things, but never anything from home life.

Fast forward to my middle school years, by this time I had come to the understanding that my parent's marriage hung by a thread, me. By now you must now I'm an asshole, so here it goes, I believe my parents had 2 ulterior motives on why they decided to have more children.

1. They wanted a boy, I, although I was a model child, had failed in my gender.

2. They needed something else to tie them together, the "easiest" being more children.

My sisters Adriana and Catherine were born a little less than a year apart. Sudden rush of randy/shag me now baby, yeah? It's just too much of a coincidence. I was deeply hurt with Adriana, when Cat came along I felt indifferent to both. Something I haven't explained it that my mother trusted me. She told me everything. I can almost guarantee my theory is correct. Of course she loved my siblings, might have even wanted them, but it was just to balance a rocky marriage.

She wasn't happy. She was happy with us, the children, her friends, her parents, brothers and sisters. But not her marriage. When I asked her why she cared what my dad did she replied, "I've been married to him for so long, he's mine now." It never was, I love him, He belonged to her. He was a thing that throughout the years came into her possession. And that didn't bother me.

I find myself in her shoes now. My father has a lady friend, and it upsets me that he found someone else before I had stopped my "normal" grieving stage. Because it never stops, does it?

Of course he's in his rights to have someone, but it isn't fair for his younger children to come in second when he is around her. Or worse, putting his own children second to Her own.

Yes, S, I should talk to him, but I'll only talk to him when you meet him. Ha!

And here I am, jealous, furious surrogate-mama bear, too disgusted to do a thing about it.

What a vivid daydream

2011-09-24T18:34:00.000-07:00

I think I daydreamed posting about how my aunt and I broke down our bathroom door, because I have searched through older posts and didn't find anything about us beating the shit out of it.

As you can see, the handle is useless now. I didn't do that.

I did this! You see, what happened was my little brother got stuck inside the bathroom and the handle woulnd't turn. We were forced to do this. Frustrating, but fun.

I used a chisel and this hammer, it wasn't bent when I started, but then my aunt took over and well.. That happened.

I just double-checked some links in previous posts and realized that they don't work. I've updated them and go, Johnny go.

Is-this-joke-very-funny-joke

What-if-what-if-my-nose-blew-awaaaay

2011-09-24T13:17:00.001-07:00

I've been going out of my element with my choice of colors for my banners lately. This time I decided to make a background to go along with it. It's great, colors suit it fine, except for the sizing. It sucks. If I can't get it right I think I'll just change it to a solid color. Stupid details.

Dear Flo

2011-09-22T22:26:00.001-07:00

It's me, Bobby. You've been my monthly companion for nearly 11 years. You burst into my life unexpectedly, a quick hello, I'm here to stay. Popping up, when I dont want you. Oh, Flo, why?

Yes, you've never given me any real grief and for that I thank you. It makes your week long visits bearable. I'll even forgive you ruining a skirt and two pants. That's what girlfriends do, right? Oh, Flo!

We've gotten along quite nicely, capital, I mean it. What I can't forgive, is you jerking me around. This spotting thing wont do. Turn on a faucet and give me hell already! I want to use my Cup, that's what I bought it for! Oh, Flo..

Do I count these two days? Will this bloating go away? I'm feeling irritable, and you're to blame. Go away Flo, go!

The pen is mightier than the sword? I prefer watercolor.

2011-09-21T18:48:00.001-07:00

Don't want to enroll in art classes? Can't afford it, don't have time or you feel you need to get some practice done/build up your portfolio? Want to work on life drawing with models? Lucky for you I ran into an awesome story in the Weekly. LA Weekly writer, Lina Lecaro covered four establishments ranging from gallery backrooms to pubs where you can come in and put pencil-to-paper and draw, paint, and sketch models in various poses and clothing, or lack of.

The Drawing Club - $20 per Session. Sketch classes are held Thursday nights, 7-10pm., and a 3 hour long pose session one Sunday a month, 10am - 1pm. Seating is first come first served. Please bring your own supplies. Cash and checks accepted. 3235 San Fernando Road, #2C, (Atwater Village) Los Angeles, CA 90065. thedrawingclub.com

Drink and Draw - Drawing events take place every Thursday, 8pm-2am., at Casey's Irish Pub, 613 S. Grand Ave., Downtown Los Angeles, CA. drinkanddraw.com

Gallery Girls - Salons take place on the first Friday of every month at Gallery Godo, 6479 San Fernando Road, #C, Glendale, 10pm-1am., and on select evenings at PoptArt Gallery, 3023 W. 6Th St., Downtown Los Angeles, CA. gallerygirls.org

Dr. Sketchy's - Events are every first Tuesday of the month at Titmouse, Inc., 6616 Lexington Ave., Hollywood, and every third Sunday of the month 7-10pm., at Studio Servitu, 800 McGarry St., Downtown Los Angeles, CA. Artists should bring their own art supplies. Photography is not allowed. Participants must be 18+. drsketchy.com/branch/LosAngeles

*Information was gathered from the LA Weekly and each individual website given. Please check and double check age requirements, fees, hours, etc., in case of change. Updates and themes are subject to change.

Fathers and Futbol

2011-09-20T17:09:00.001-07:00

My dad bought socks with hispanic soccer, "futbol," teams a few years ago; Necaxa, Chivas, America and Cruz Azul. He's always been a Necaxa fan, but you know how men get with their favorite teams. There has to be a camraderie or else you're the enemy, and you will be crushed, pulverized, evaporated!

So, smart man that he is ;], he got the three other teams and wore two teams at once. Whenever a co-worker came up to him and asked what team he cheered for he would lift up the corresponding pant leg that revealed the team's sock and everyone was happy. The reason this worked is that he wore the team that had recently played, he was caught eventually. Ha.

The reason I remembered this is because he's sitting down on the couch with his Necaxa jersey. My mind remembers things at odd moments, doesn't it?

Bunraku

2011-09-19T23:43:00.001-07:00

I got my LA Weekly issue today for September 16-22 and in the film section I see a whole page ad for Bunraku. It's starring Josh Hartnett, Woody Harrelson, Kevin McKidd, Ron Perlman, Demi Moore and... Gackt! Yes, Japanese J-Rock singing sensation Gackt!

The plot goes along the lines of, after a global war, guns are outlawed but knives and fists are still fair game in settling a score. There is a Main Bad Guy and his gang terrorizes a town, until one day Hero #1 appears and wants two things, a drink and revenge on Main Bad Guy. Shortly after, Hero #2 shows up and joins with #1. I wonder what happens next..

It officially comes out in theaters on September 30th, which is a Friday, but the Weekly is doing an early screening for September 27th, Tuesday @ 7:30pm.

"To receive a complimentary pass for two, send your name, address and phone number to filmcontests@laweekly.com (be sure to include Bunraku in the subject line)

One pass per person. No purchase necessary. Seating is on a first-come, first-served basis and is not guaranteed. Limited seats available. Theater is overbooked to ensure capacity and we strongly recommend that you ARRIVE EARLY. This film is rated R. Restricted. No one under 17 will be admitted without parent or adult guardian."

There's no mention of what theater, but I'm assuming it will be mentioned once and if you get the tickets. Also, this is for Los Angeles, or nearby, residents.

Google it out and look at the promotional poster for yourself. It's very.. hard to describe. But corny comes to mind. Josh Hartnett is on a motorcycle and it's either Demi or Gackt sitting behind him, holding a bow and arrow. I say Demi OR Gackt because the face is half-hidden by the hand holding back the arrow and they look alike. Google it and you'll see what I mean (I just did & now I know who it is, but my lips are sealed =x).

At par with Pepe Le Pew

2011-09-19T11:11:00.001-07:00

I have a problem with smokers. They stink. And when you're in a small waiting room at the dentist and a Spanish man walks in looking manic and disheveled and sits a chair away from you, you think, "What a weirdo." Then you breathe in and you smell it, the smell of cigarette smoke reaches your nostrils and you start to feel your head swell because it's so nauseating and I quickly ammend my thought to, "What a stinking weirdo!"

If you're a smoker that's fine, but instead of showering in perfume try some Febreeze next time. I know several smokers who have said that they can't smell the smoke on themselves but do notice it on other and they can't stand it. So I'm not crazy, I've got people that agree and that justifies my sanity on the matter.

Febreeze, please. =]

I call this next tune: Darlin' You're Plumb Loco

2011-09-18T10:42:00.001-07:00

I like to cruise Facebook profiles to find gems, like the ones below, in the Activities section. It see.s that it's mostly the females that have these crazy group/pages with quotes and sayings about why he left, or excuses about what went wrong.

Let me start of by saying: You went wrong for choosing a lame guy. OR you started being too controlling, relationships aren't about games or who has the most control over their partner. Feeling the same way is a pretty good example. You know, the girl in the movies tells the guy, or vice versa, that she's been in love with him since the third grade but was waiting until her braces came off, ok she doesn't have braces, but she loves him. Then he says, "I feel the same way," with those drugged out glittery eyes.

And now without further delay, I give you the insane thoughts of a lonely sad sad girl. (These are actual group/pages. I couldn't think of anything dumber to substitute for this bull crap, manure, horse shit, dung balls, or balls of dung. Spelling & punctuation included.)

"I want to be the girl he's scared to lose, the one he can't walk away from knowing she's mad at him, The one who can't fall asleep without her voice being the last on he hears. The one he can't live without"

-Translation: I want a guy I can control and will obey my every order. He must be strong enough to beat up guys that turn down my advances and call me a whore, I will accuse them of putting the moves on me. I will berate his lame hobbies, have him change the way he dresses, get a better job and give me all his money because "women economize better."

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best" --Marilyn Monroe

-Ok, but only Marilyn Monroe gets the privilege to say that because she's Marilyn Effing Monroe!

"Someday boy, u'll look back & remember who was always right by ur side. The 1st person u'll think of will be her. The girl u let go of years ago. The girl who always tried to be the best for u. THE GIRL WHO LOVED U, UNCONDITIONALLY & u'll regret losing her"

-A.K.A. I need to make myself feel better about him leaving me. If he does come back and says he regrets it, 1. He might be telling the truth or 2. Chances are he just wants an easy lay.

"A girl is always right. Sometimes confused, misinformed, rude, stubborn, irritable & even downright stupid... But NEVER EVER wrong"

-Whoever you are, you're delusional. I'll also bet that all the women who saw this cackles like a group of chickens and Liked it with a "Uh-huuuh!"

"Dear Girls, please understand... If he loves you he WILL make you a priority. If he keeps blowing you off... He's just not that into you."

-I loved that line in Sex and the City and the movie, except there was one huge flaw. Justin Long would never have fallen for Ginnifer Goodwin because she really was very annoying.

"Boys should come with a lable. Caution: I will flirt with you. text 24/7.lead you on.tell you I love you then ill totally ignore you. flirt with a whore. break your heart and never talk to you again."

-Come off it already, "Boys" and "Girls" should come with a label. And let's be honest, he just wanted sex and if you're too stupid to realize that then it's you who made that group/page.

And can someone tell me why Mickey Mouse always makes Pluto do all his errands? Lazy ass mouse.

"I don't like to see him cry"

2011-09-17T07:11:00.001-07:00

My grandparents and aunt left about an hour ago. We hugged, shook hands, and said our goodbyes. And after they had driven away, my father and his brother went off to the side for a talk. My cousin came into the porch wiping away tears and said, "I don't like to see my dad cry."

Me: Oh, he's crying?

Her: Yeah, he's saying he wont get a chance to see my grandpa again.

I'm thinking 1. Do you mean he's too cheap to book a flight to Mexico to see him or 2. My grandfather is gravely ill and is going to kick the bucket soon? As I didn't suspect any disease, I knew it couldn't have been #2, therefore it has to be reason 1. Of course I didn't say any of these things out loud because, well I'm not stupid that's why.

What I can't stand is having people annoy me by complaining about their elderly parents dying soon, or "it's bound to happeeeennn," these are fully grown people doing the complaining, to me! Hello, quit whining, move down there and spend your days with them. At least both your parents are alive. You don't dread turning 41, because then you'll be a year older than your mother when she died.

Just quit bitching and do something. Take your parents to Switzerland to spin around a mountaintop or Amsterdam to smoke a lot of weed. Anything, just stop it with the not having enough time with them routine. Compassionate soul I am not.

You see Blondie, I am Anger.

What if, what if my nose blew awaaaay?

2011-09-16T07:15:00.000-07:00

I woke up at 5 this morning and couldn't go back to sleep because I kept coughing and had to blow my nose every three minutes. After a while, I realized I had blown my nose so many times that there wasn't a dry spot left in my hanky. Eww? Too bad. I was quite frustrated because I couldn't find my other handkerchiefs and before I could get mad I started singing about the situation I was in.

Which was "Everything is wet, everything is wet!" to the tune of Mrs. Lee singing "Everybody out!" in the Daria cartoon musical, Daria!

Mrs. Lee's part begins at about 3:30 minutes.

Pet Peeve of the Day

2011-09-15T07:36:00.001-07:00

New underwears that feel like you've put your legs through one smaller leg hole and the bigger one. Then you realize it's not a manufacturing error, you're just stupid because you've actually done just that.

But now I want to watch Sailor Moon episodes

2011-09-14T16:33:00.001-07:00

Sam: What's it about?

Bobby: Killers.

Sam: Oh, well why can't I watch?

Bobby: Because they torture women in the most violent ways.

-On why my 11 year old cousin can't watch a particular Japanese movie.

I can almost see a black and white spiral

2011-09-13T19:33:00.001-07:00

Bobby: I think I can feel myself spiraling down to hell with this music.. Diablo Swing Orchestra - A Tap Dancer's Dilemma.

S: Haha

Bobby: You know how in Rocko's Modern World all that trippy shit was happening? Rocko's head would open and someone would be where his brain should be? Yeah..

S: Weirdo.

Bobby: It's those Airborne tablets babe, combined with this satanic music, I'm seeing visions. I'll be texting you in symbols next.

S: Weirdo..

------------------

Diablo Swing Orchestra is not a satanic band. To my knowledge.

Being with you is like..

2011-09-13T09:02:00.001-07:00

..having an out of body experience. I'm not talking about love, a dream. Something that I saw or heard. What I mean is, taking Airborne tablets is like having an out of fucking body experience.

I noticed I started sneezing and was sniffling a lot two days ago. I bought the Airborne tablets, berry flavor, yesterday, took 3, in 3 hour increments and one today when I woke up. You want to talk about trippy? That's the stuff right there.

I'm still sneezing, my nose is runny and I have a sore throat. I might have a headache, theres a slight pressure, but I cant really tell because I cant really feel anything since I started taking the tablets. Like I told S yesterday, I'm sick but I dont feel sick.

I guess that's a good thing, right?

Question of the Week

2011-09-05T15:22:00.001-07:00

Would you poo in a strangers loo?

You don't have to answer that.

You mean he's real?!

2011-09-03T15:20:00.001-07:00

S just showed me a video of Chuck Mangione playing "Feels So Good." You've probably heard of Chuck Mangione from King of the Hill. He has a funny black hat, full beard and mustache, wears jeans, an orangey red shirt and a white vest. And guess what? Yup, he's real.

I'm sorry, but Chuck was in his prime during the 70's and I wasn't born in the 40's, 50's or 60's to really appreciate his music. So this is like finding out that the Easter Bunny is real. A very colorfull dressed Easter Bunny.

Is this a joke? A very funny joke?

2011-08-31T08:03:00.000-07:00

My sisters have been getting a lot of free games for their iPod Touch, since we refuse to spend money on them. =] And one of the games they have is Top Girl.

This website gives a good summary, with pictures.

It's a lot of fun, you have a career as a model, you get to shop, travel from Los Angeles, New York and eventually Las Vegas. Oh, and break up with your boyfriend to get a new one to earn more money.. You heard me. To get a boyfriend, first you have to dress up in "your hottest clubwear" cruise either the bar, dance floor or lounge. There will be three guys in each area, you click on them and it shows you their hotness, job title and what they will offer you.. Yes, this is a real game. I'm sorry if I'm making it sounds like Mini Hooker Maker, but once I heard my sisters talk about "breaking up with their boyfriend to get more money" and "that outfit isn't hot enough" you bet your ass I'm checking things out!

I'm not saying it's a bad game, it's more of a "are you pulling my leg with this?" type of reaction.

And now my morning cup of coffee has gotten cold. We must away.

More links.

The F Word

2011-08-29T21:41:00.001-07:00

I must admit that I have gained a few pounds, okay a lot, yes, on a vegan diet. It's not that eating vegan is flawed, it has nothing to do with that, it's all me. I'm over-eating and not exercising because I'm tired. I'm just sick and tired of trying to be and stay thin. I could lose all this weight in 6 months, but I don't want to right now. I'm tired of stopping myself from really pigging out, worrying whether my clothes will still fit me, though I always do that.

I got more attention being thinner and it felt odd. I felt confident because I was healthy, I was running 40 minutes a day almost every day, I don't keep track of how many miles etc but how much I run, and I suppose other people noticed. I was definitely treated differently. And it got to me.

I was at my height's perfect weight, and yes S I was happy, I'd be lying though if I said I wouldn't have wanted to lose 4 more pounds, but I was happy. I'm not suicidal right now because I am :shock: fat! I am somewhat grumpy that I have embraced eating without much control, but again, I could lose it if i wanted to, and eventually I will. Right now I'm happy being back in the shadows.

p.s. You can be overweight and still be healthy. Love yourself and be respectful to your body.

Someone like me

2011-08-28T11:08:00.001-07:00

Me: We are going to watch a cartoon about someone like me at 11. =]

S: What, someone with incredibly long hair?

Me: =o.. Yes! Tangled.

:puts me in a bear hug:

S: No we're not!

:wrestle for 10 minutes:

Me: We're watching it!

:S puts on Top Gear:

Me: Bastard, you know I love that show!

Ok, I'm not dying Tina

2011-08-25T15:17:00.001-07:00

Tina read my previous blog rant and texted me saying she got sad over it. But a day and refreshing shower later I have to say that I do love my grandparents and aunt, I'm just not used to such a long invasion of privacy and it is driving me insane. It was also very hot yesterday, which might have influenced my bad mood. So there that is.

2011-08-25T14:17:00.001-07:00

No wait, they've been here since Sunday.

2011-08-25T13:41:00.001-07:00

Oh my god, its been almost two weeks! Im loosing it, I thought they came over this monday.

Day 3: I want to kill everyone.

2011-08-24T21:10:00.001-07:00

From my grandfather and his dragging-in-mud-yet-again cane, to my I'm-still-here-not-being-in-your-way-but-I-am-in-your-way grandmother and I'm tired of smiling all the time at my aunt. I'm tired of smiling and pretending like this is how our house is all the time. We're not The Brady Bunch, let's be real, they were on acid or somking pot.

I hate the constant cleaning everyday.
I hate waiting for the bathroom.
I hate having to ask everyone if they need to use the bathroom before I can shower.
I hate not being able to take a shit because the bathroom echoes.
I hate not being able to fart like I normally do because that would be rude.
I hate my sisters and brother.
I hate how loud they are.
I hate my aunt & uncle next door and their two younger children out of the 4 in total.
I hate not having my car available to go buy some stinking eggs for breakfast.
I hate that no one knows how to stack up the dishes in the right order and dont bother to ask me.
I hate the stupid western movies my dad puts on each evening for my grandparents.
I hate that my dad is a lazy slob.
I hate that my dad openly gives preference to his one and only son or his parents before his other two daughters.
I hate that my dad, if it comes down to my two sisters, picks Catherine instead of Adriana.
I hate catching glimpses at my hairy legs, I have sensitive skin and cant shave everyday, move along.
I hate having to be the head of the household.
I hate having so much responsibilities.
I hate feeling guilty.
I hate that I've been able to find so many things to pick at.

---

And I hate when people pretend they are "trying to work things out" when they really are just taking advantage. I had the greatest friends in high school. I loved them all, I saw their good and bad sides, but once graduation came and went I only stayed in minor contact with a few. I outgrew most of them, and only until recently did I really start speaking and hanging out with Blondie (and I'm glad I did my Shtrudel) again. She's a keeper.

I had to endure 5 hours of mind-numbing boredom today with an old friend. In theory, it should have been just what I needed, but said friend recently had a baby. I dont do well with children if they are not blood related or I give a shit about you. I once gave a shit about her, because she stood by me and was a great friend, but theres been so much lack of contact and I've become someone else, raising three kids that arent your own does that to you, especially when they are a constant reminder that you have lost someone you dearly love. Her way of maturing was having a child. Great for her, but I dont like kids. I also dont like holding kids younger than a year old, her baby is 3mo. Then I got puked on four times. There was constant silence and I eventually figured out she had nothing better to do and was waiting for her baby daddy to finish whatever the fuck he had to do. Great, you could have just come clean and said you needed a place to hang out for a while.

I dont want to meet again next week, no, it's not because she threw up on me four times. We're just too different now and I appreciate the farce, but I think we need to move on now.

You're on vacation aren't you?

2011-08-22T13:55:00.001-07:00

My aunt has been cleaning non-stop since she got here. I cleaned the floor yesterday, and she's doing it again right now, but it seems pointless since my grandfather drags in dirt with his shoes and cane. There were perfect circular cane marks in the kitchen and back room this morning. Lovely.

And if I'm in the kitchen she and my grandmother hang around to watch everything I do. Which is fine, if they ate veggie stuff.

Then there is the language barrier, dealing with my dad is fine since I only see him 3 hours a day and all I have to do is put a plate of food in front of him. But now I'm here with them everyday, and I cant help it if I think and speak in English. If I'm talking to them directly fine, but I cant translate things I want to say to my sisters and brother in Spanish as easily. Which is terrible that I'm speaking in complex sentences to a 10, 8 and 6 year old but cant do the same thing with my grandparents.

But when do I see them? Not often, so I dont feel too bad.

Are they here yet?

2011-08-21T07:40:00.000-07:00

Alright backstory: My grandparents, my dads parents, came over from Mexico to my uncle's house -- a couple of hours drive, to lazy to calculate miles and things-- and they were planning on staying there for about 3 months there then come down and stay with us for another 3 months.

That's the end of the backstory. Now, either my dad's been jerking my chain, or he's been telling them about my lack of fucking enthusiasm about a 3 month long fucking visit, because they were supposed to come over two months ago. Or some time. This next weekend, no, no, the next. I think maybe on this day! Well just pick a date already! (I think I hear them right now, I 'splain) My dad tells me last night that at long last, they will be coming over Sunday at 5 or 6 am. Great... So I set up a 6:25 alarm, but something wakes me up before & I see that I've got a text from my dad: They're coming at 8ish. I think Adam Sandler said it best in The Wedding Singer; "Things that could have been brought to my attention YESTERDAY!"

And it's 8 so now they really are here. For just a month they will be staying. Blah.

Seriously?!

2011-08-19T17:54:00.001-07:00

What the hell Drew Barrymore, you dye your hair a darker blone and you got that nice shade of lipstick on and you're looking all fine and gorgeous! Psh! I'm gonna go ogle you some more then.

Seaweed: Bad, Blondie: Good

2011-08-17T12:42:00.001-07:00

I was watching a vegetarian cooking show one weekend when the host made miso soup. It looked really good so I've been wanting to make some. I went to the market yesterday and saw a three-pack instant miso soup with bits of tofu and "vegetables."

I opened up a pack this morning and the tofu bits were as small as a baby's pinkie nail, and the vegetables were seaweed and green onion. I like nori on sushi, vegetable only sushi, because the rice tones down the fishy flavor, but obviously when you make it in a soup, boiling hot water, its going to be a very powerful taste. Whoa fishy! Not my thing, just a very odd flavor that I'm not used to. Tried putting in chili powder flakes, but nada.

I think I'm just going to try getting actual miso paste and making my own soup because I'm not digging the seaweed.

And a big shoutout to Blondie --my friend, not Debbie Harry-- you're stronger than you think and you're going to get through this just fine. Now get back to writing, girl!

Am I the only one awake?

2011-08-12T02:46:00.000-07:00

It's 2:40am, I am so bored I almost considered Tweeting Sn00ki.

p.s. As in, a random Tweet. I don't know Snooki. I'm just bored. Very bored.

p.p.s. Kyocera, your phone charger's suck.

It cannot be, for a few reasons

2011-08-03T22:07:00.001-07:00

Bobby: I just remembered something. I cannot be your secret lover because.. I'm really.. your father!

Blondie: You're my father? Hmm, damn that's incestuous! When did I go Big Love? Luke where art thou?

Bobby: Lol Big Love is just polygamy. This is sick status, but I think in reality I'm just your long lost sister. It's still wrong, but at least my sperm didn't create you.

Blondie: Lmao! Ewwwy and you so are, I'm sure we're related, maybe the Spaniards who raped your lands raped mine!

Bobby: Damn those Spaniards! Or, actually this is a good thing right?

Blondie: ....Lol I don't know, but I'm sure something had to happen. We're like one brain!

Bobby: My brains, gimme back my brains!

Blondie: Never!

Bobby: Ahh! Dies! Or actually, becomes zombiiee!

Wendy, Undies and Sexy Snakes

2011-08-02T13:23:00.000-07:00

Blondie: I came with my aunt to the doctors and I'm waiting and they are showing the Wendy Williams Show.

Bobby: How you dooiin'? Lol so silly.

Blondie: Soo silly and omg she just makes me think of you!

Bobby: Lmao! Really? I don't know if I should take that as an insult or compliment, she is from Jersey after all. And she has boobs the size of babies.

Blondie: Lmao! Boobs the size of babies! She reminds me of you because of the "oooh gurl" and the "how you doing" lmao, cuz you do it on the phone. :)

Bobby: Ohhh giiirl, I'd be in trouble if you left me now, cuz I don't know where to look for love. Ohhhh giiirl!

Blondie: Lmao! Oooo, that's it I give in, you've stolen my heart! You're my secret lover! It's been decided. Beware Jazzy.

-----

Blondie: *shiverd* My sisters reading The DaVinci Code and I'm reading Exit to Eden.

Bobby: Ohh, what's Exit to Eden about? Tell me there's handsome snakes throwing apples!

Blondie: Close, did you ever read the Sleeping Beauty Series by Anne Rice as Anne Roquelaire? Well it's along those lines. Human sex slaves.

Bobby: I always meant to read it, but very hesitant. I see, I see. And in this book Eden is pretty much... Pompeii? Soo nastee!

Blondie: Lmao, yeah it's called The Club. Can you believe it's a movie???

Bobby: I'm thinking Japanese horror movie with lots of BDSM.

Blondie: Nope, smart PhD's and the like. Just dirty human sexy time. Lmao, and I don't know, it's ok for now.

-----

[Blondie went over to her aunt's house but she didnt let her go get clothes or underwear, with the promise that she would buy some for her.]

Blondie: Ay yay ya I'm so bored at the doctors. I want to shower and I know I will wear huge underwear from Target. My poor bum.

Bobby: Lmfao! Target underwears fit ok.

Blondie: Yeah, but they make me feel fat. Victoria's Secret undies are all I have known, my world is upside down. I'm sorry, I take my undies very serious!

Bobby: You could leave the Target undies at your aunts house or something. Oh you and your pampered butt! Soo silly.

Blondie: Lmao, oh I will if I find a Victoria's Secret.

They really are that loud

2011-07-25T00:55:00.000-07:00

Scene - Me coming out of the bathrom. The siblings are sitting quietly in the living room.

Bobby: Do you know how loud you guys are? I could hear you over the fan, my pooping and my text alerts.

Laughter ensues.

I can't believe I'm giving advice on how to manage children

2011-07-24T19:27:00.000-07:00

It seems as though it really has come down to this. But I guess it was bound to happen, I've been taking care of my siblings for the passed 3 years, and I've learned a few tips and tricks from my grandmother, my brothers old daycare teachers, absolute angels, and now his kindergarten and 1st grade teacher.

And now I'm giving advice. How lovely.

If I sound like an asshole, it's because I am an asshole

2011-07-08T19:56:00.001-07:00

Things have been great now that my dad learned how to text. I can just switch my phone to Spanish input mode and sound out how something is spelled and it gives me the correct spelling. So really, the both of us benefit from this, we both learn how to spell in Spanish. And that also lets me try out my sarcasm on him, finally.

Dad: What are you guys doing?

Bobby: Rod is taking a bath, the girls are playing and I'm cooking.

Dad: Oh, well where are you that you don't answer your phone?

Bobby: Oh, did I forget to tell you? I'm cooking in the middle of the road.

Oh yes they did.

2011-07-08T12:07:00.001-07:00

I was watching Scooby Doo cartoons with my sisters and brother. The theme of the cartoon was a movie being filmed and a ghost trying to stop production. Surprise, surprise. But what did catch my eye was the "main star." His name was Chip Hernandez Jr., had black hair, high cheekbones, and get this, his previous hit movie was "The Modem."

The gang discover that the director was the phantom, trying to get out of filming the terrible movie. They counted Chip out because "he can't do anything, he can't even act!" Hmmm... The Modem, can't act... Sounds to me like Keanu Reeves and The Matrix!

Hit List

2011-07-06T19:34:00.000-07:00

Hit List by Laurell K. Hamilton is the 20th book of the Anita Blake series. It's unbearably, horribly, ~~can't stand it~~, terrible.

For those of you that are familiar with the Anita blake universe you'll understand all this:

Anita keeps having to prove herself to the boys.
She keeps telling everyone, that yes, she is a slut bag, but it's none of their business.
Everyone is angry.
Olaf is crazy.
Everyone is sexy.
Hair, wardrobe, eye color and facial features take a page to describe.
The plot sucks.
Why is this book being published?
Crappy ending.
Unresolved problems.
Lovers, sex partners, ardeur feeders are all called "sweeties." Stop, please.

I read it in about a day. It's only 321 pages with 41 chapters, and honestly, there where a lot of just 2-4 page chapters. It's all filler. Bad filler. And if you don't believe me, just read all these Amazon reviews.

Take your break LKH, but please, just get your shit together too. Give me some old Anita. Pow pow! Boom! Bang! Or no bang.

It's nice right? It's nice.

2011-07-04T12:56:00.000-07:00

Score this design: "Death of Death," to help it get printed on Threadless!

"

If you ever go to...

2011-07-04T12:45:00.000-07:00

Amoeba in Hollywood be sure to take the elevator at least once. Preferably going down, because it's huge in there, and your feet are going to be too tired to take the 10 steps down to the parking garage after going through everything they have.

How did I get here? I clicky-clicked, that's how!

2011-06-29T00:36:00.001-07:00

I was on Twitter when I read that Ross Sewage visited the H.G. Giger Museum in Switzerland. Being the clicky-monster/ Google addict that I am, I typed in Giger. And that turned into this:

H.G. Giger > Li Tibler (Giger's partner, inspired a lot of his work, commited suicide at 27 yrs old) > Necronomicon (Hi H. P. Lovecraft!) > Marquis de Sade (Because Necronomicon, Giger's Necronomicon, well all of Giger's work really, reminds me of Bondage, whips and leather.) > Leopold von Sacher-Masoch (The dirty, filthy mind where Masochism was coined from. You filthy animal you! You missed a spot! Rubs the lotion all over the body!)

Love you Google =]

The Birth of Fabulo

2011-06-28T22:04:00.001-07:00

Blondie: Lmao ahh crap, why can't I ever remember the English names. [She means our English personalities.]

Bobby: Crime Lord Bolingbroke and Lady Badtooth Salinger.

Blondie: Yes, yes that's right! Shit man, I needs to write it down! Well Lady Badtooth Salinger, one must sit down and write til your shanks have no feeling left and you've got it in you, you'av! I've a mind to set.... You know what, I tried, this English is hard. I quit! In other words, you got this.

Bobby: The cockney accent is the hardest right?

Blondie: Yes ma'am, I tried but failed and it seems easy, but fail! Crap, I attempted.

Bobby: And I give you a "Here, here!" for your attempt. Dude, I need a gay guy for advice in this scene!

Blondie: Hmm, I don't know any, you? Well there is [Beep]..... Jk, jk.

Bobby: o.o ::tries not to laugh:: No...don't know any....

Blondie: Lmao! Ok, advice on what. I will project my inner gay, whom I've named Fabio!

Bobby: Lol can I call you "Fabulo" instead?

Blondie: Si, si, ay tu mujer, llamame lo que quieras :)

Bobby: Hahaha you did not just say that